A Guilty Tendency

I have strict parents and through the years they’ve given me some privileges but not many. One thing I’ve noticed though is that I could do something innocent and feel guilty because I think it’s wrong, and I feel the need to confess to something that’s not even bad. I think I feel this way because of getting in trouble before but I need help with ways to deal with it. One example is that me and my mom share a YouTube account and she opened YouTube on her computer; I think she tried to close the tab but didn’t. My fear is if she looked at one of the videos that would play next she would think I watch bad stuff if you get what I mean? She doesn’t get how and algorithm works. The videos weren’t inherently bad but again I’m still worried for some reason. Anyway I ended up closing the tab and now I feel guilty. I don’t know why I thought this because like I said we share it so she can always have access to what I watch and my recommended videos. I need advice because I think it’s not normal to feel a guilty tendency for small things like this.   CONSIDER THIS:

• Thank you for reaching out to TeenCentral, the way you described this situation was thoughtful and honest, and you are valid for feeling these feelings.
• What you are describing is normal for a lot of people with strict parents. When growing up in a strict household, sometimes our brains stay in "high alert" mode. This does not mean you did anything bad, and it does not mean there is anything wrong with you.
• Sometimes neutral or harmless situations can feel wrong because we remember what it felt like to be in trouble with our parents.
• When guilt shows up when we perform harmless actions, it's often anxiety disguising itself as guilt.

HELP YOURSELF

• Pause and ask: Did I break a rule or hurt someone? If the answer is no, try telling yourself: "This feeling is discomfort, not wrongdoing." Sometimes labeling a feeling takes away its power.
• Remind yourself: What is reasonable vs. What is feared? Algorithms can often suggest many random things and parents will not always understand this. It would be unreasonable for you to be responsible for every single misunderstanding.
• Ask yourself: Am I being kind to myself? You learned these reactions over time in your household, and you can slowly unlearn them. The first step is noticing the guilt, not eliminating it overnight

CHECK IT OUT

• Learn on about anxiety TeenCentral.
• Pick a tool to help manage your anxiety, such as a support plan.