I’m 19 and I believe that there has to be something wrong with me. It’s been almost 2 years now, but I am still thinking about it every day. I still wake up in fear and I still see his souless eyes when I close mine. Is this normal? He isn’t the only one, but he bothers me the most. He raped and tried to kill me. My life went into a downward spiral of addiction. I didn’t care then, but after rehab and jail, I have been clean for a year, and I am now married with a baby. However, I don’t feel love, I can’t give love like I’m supposed to, and I have so much hatred, anger, and fear. I feel like addictions are my only consolation, because there, I don’t care.
– You have been through something extremely traumatic; your feelings are justified and understandable.
– It is not easy to go through what you have been through. Talk to a professional like a counselor and/or therapist to help you sort through your feelings. A therapist and/or counselor can help you deal with the fear, anger, hatred and get you to the point of being able to love again.
– It is commendable that you have spent some time clean! Great job. Your next task is maintaining sobriety. Think of how important your sobriety will be for your baby, and work towards continuing that path. Speak to a trusted adult that can help or a counselor, both can help you find ways to overcome your addictions.
– Try and do things that interest you or that you may be interested in. Try taking a self defense class, kick boxing or another sport. You may grow an interest in the sport, which would be a healthy way to deal with feelings of hatred and fear.
– Remember, you are not alone and you can overcome your addiction and feelings of fear, anger and hatred, if you work at it and continue to believe in yourself. Try saying positive things to yourself daily to encourage yourself and you will start to believe and foster healthy thoughts about yourself and your life.
– What are the ways in which you can overcome your addictions?
– How can you keep your sobriety?
– What activities can you take up to help keep you on track emotionally and mentally?