Emotional Confusion

Entry #4 I feel like I write on here too much but its the only place besides my journal I feel safe to talk. Is it normal to be happy and sad at the same time? I feel like I have happiness in me which is exciting but I’m also filled with anxiety and sadness. it’s not like being manic, It doesn’t feel like one extreme to the other, it feels like both coexist in me, which is really discouraging when something makes me happy but the sadness peaks in like “don’t forget about me!”. Not to mention I’m afraid of getting better, but that’s something I’ve already written about. Also, I was wondering if something I have is considered a type of dissociating or something else maybe? Basically I rarely ever feel present in my body, like I’m never really there, just seeing things unfold before my eyes from inside my head, and memories don’t stick with me anymore. I can remember things, obviously, but it all feels like a distant dream, and regardless of the memory, it feels extremely old and almost imagined. Even things that happened a day or two ago feel the same as something that may have happened years ago. Each memory is distant and foggy, like trying to a remember a dream you just woke up from. Nostalgia is the only form I have of real emotional memory, and I hate nostalgia… for the most part. Practically 99.9999% of the things that make me feel nostalgic are things I don’t want to remember, I don’t want to think about that part of my life. there’s a few scenes from my toddlerhood that I remember but its nothing that I want to hold onto.. nothing good.

• Thank you for continuing to write into Teen Central.net.  That is exactly what we are here for!  Thanks for sharing your story and sharing that we have been helpful in the past.  That is great!  It sounds like you are continuing to experience some difficult feelings, but have happiness and hope in your life.
• One suggestion to help yourself with these sad or anxious feelings is to write down times when he are happy or experience joy.  Keep a Joy journal.  It appears that you have a hard time recalling these times and get stuck remembering some negative experiences.  Many people find joy in the smallest things.  Try to think of one thing a day that made you smile.  It could be as simple as feeling the sun on your face as you step outside, seeing someone you like at school, or helping someone out in some way, small or large.  When you think back to the times that might seem distant and foggy, pull out your journal and read it.
• Another suggestion would be to seek some professional help.  It is a sign of strength to ask for help, have the courage to seek counseling, and it may feel comforting to you to have some of your specific questions answered, specifically about diagnosis.
• Finally, remember that it is normal to have both sad and happy feelings and sometimes they can be very close together.  Especially during adolescents, our emotions can be all over the place.  The important thing is to be able to identify your emotions and use positive coping skills when needed.  When you do this, you will find your mood improves.

Help Yourself:

• Who can you reach out to for help with getting counseling?  If that person is  not able to help you, continue until you find someone who can.
• What would you like to say to a counselor if you did begin counseling?
• How could talking about and learning from your past help you in the future?