Hi, I am 16 year old. I lost my virginity at age 14 to an 18 year old. I am sexually active at this moment. I am into seeing guys between ages 17-23. I don’t know if you can help me. How can I be an honest 16 year old and tell my Mother that I’m sexually active and like older guys. I am a Mama’s girl and my Mom does anything to make me happy, but I feel like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not when I am around her.
This is a common and understandably awkward situation that many are faced with. Becoming sexually active is an important life event, yet at the same time, by it’s very nature, is a deeply private and personal thing that means different things to different people. Culture, region and religious upbringing have a huge influence on our attitudes about sex. These things shape how people view what is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to sex. The dilemma of whether or not to disclose the fact that one is no longer a virgin to a parent is a tough one for everyone. On the one hand, sex can be a taboo subject to many, especially for girls, for some reason. On the other hand, it is a great relief to be able to openly discuss sex with a parent to gain loving wisdom and advice. Adults have a lot of life experience and guidance to share.
No matter what your background, your own sexuality is uniquely yours. It is private and personal to you and you alone. Whether or not you chose to share information about being sexually active is up to you and only you. It is your choice. You can keep it private, or you can talk about it openly to who you feel comfortable doing so with. There is no right or wrong here, and certainly no penalty for keeping information about your sex life private to you.
If you are comfortable talking about sex with your Mom, you could bring the subject up in the form of a good question to ask her. For example: “Mom, how old were you when you lost your virginity? How do you feel about girls my age who are attracted to guys that are a few years older? What method of birth control do you recommend?” etc. Go ahead and ask her a question about sex that you might be curious about. It might be just as awkward for her to discuss sex as it is for you, but it could also be very bonding. You know her best, so just use your instincts to tell you when to bring it up.
Being sexually active does not change who you are. You are still your Mother’s daughter whether you are a virgin or not. She will always love you regardless.
One very important thing to remember is that because you are under 17, or 18 in some states, you are a minor. A guy who is 18 or over could be charged with statutory rape and receive a jail sentence. What is even worse, if convicted, he will have a permanent criminal record that will follow him the rest of his life. This will hurt his ability to get a job, receive student financial aid for college, join the military, receive government employment benefits, and even hurt his ability to chose where he lives, if he is lucky enough to find someone who will rent or sell to him. But wait – it gets worse: it is not just a criminal record, he will be labeled a sexual predator and convicted as a sex offender all because he had (even consensual) sex with a minor. (That would be you.) For the rest of his adult life, he will have to register as a sex offender and report his location to authorities. For the rest of his life. So you may want to re-think the age of your partner, and proceed with great caution.
Always practice safe sex! What are you doing to ensure that you will not ever get an std or unplanned pregnancy?
Is your Mother likely to report an 18 year old guy that you have sexual relations with to the police? If you even suspect this for an instant, you may want to keep your sex life information private to yourself if you want to protect your partner.
What would you need to do in order to discuss sex honestly and openly with your Mom? Ask yourself if this is something that you truly want to do and are comfortable with.
Are you able to listen to any advice or personal stories about sex that your Mother may share with you? Do you know where your comfort zone barriers are here?
Ask yourself if sharing information about sex will improve your relationship and bring you closer. Is now a good time to bring it up, or do you feel that later would be better?
Research and give some good long thought to this really great question: Why is it against the law in every state for an 18 year old to have consenting sex with a 14, 15, or 16 year old? What is the reasoning behind this?
Is there a reason that a guy who is 18 – 23 is with a girl who is 16 instead of a girl his own age?