Stories

I can’t stop

By August 4, 2020No Comments

Hi Teen Central. Thanks for the response I got for my post: I hate myself

Since then I haven’t stopped cutting and I it’s gotten much worse. Almost a quarter of my arm has cuts on it and I don’t know why I do it. I forgot to mention in the other post, I realized that I am a demigirl or demigirlflux or maybe even nonbinary! This is so stressful because that means that I am technically trans, and my family are VERY homophobic and transphobic. Be being bisexual and trans is my worst nightmare. I feel like I wasted your time, because I did not take your advice, it helped but I couldn’t stop cutting. Also if I told my parents about it they would ask me why I cut myself. And I can’t say: oh btw I’m bi and trans. I would be disowned and maybe even abused.

Please help me with this:
I am very confused because since I started cutting my arm I haven’t cried. Like I am emotionless suddenly. I keep thinking, what if I am doing all this for attention. What if the scars I will have on my body for the rest of my life were just because I’m a brat and want attention? The thing is, I know that if this continues I will be the one to take my life. I don’t want that. Before I was sure of it. But now I am not so sure if I even want to live.

I know I sound like a little brat making it up for attention, but please believe me, so many things factor into this. But as soon as I go to explain it or write it. I just can’t.

HELP YOURSELF

  • First things first, your physical and emotional safety should be top priority. With all that you are continuing to go through (which seems to be very overwhelming), it is most important to make sure your safety is addressed. Please make sure that you are seeking out medical attention for your self-harm injuries. Also, there may be a point in your journey where you may need more support than TeenCentral can offer you. Telling us your story is just the first step in your recovery. The next step may be seeking out professional help (a counselor, therapist, peer specialist or a doctor).
  • Everyone needs a place to release emotions as well as receive support and education when they are going through big issues. We are happy that you continue to use TeenCentral to talk through some of your overwhelming feelings. As scary as some of these things must be, there may be a point where a supportive adult in your life should be there for you. Now might be the time to seek out assistance from a trusted adult in your life.
  • If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please remember that there are many people who can help you during these difficult times. If you ever want to actively hurt yourself, the most important thing is to contact emergency medical providers or your local emergency room for immediate, life-saving support. Another option is calling the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 in order to receive assistance. Even if you just need a place to vent about the different stressors in your life, you can text “HELLO” to 741741 in order to chat with somebody from the Crisis Textline. You can find more information about all of these resources and other great supports on the “Help” tab of TeenCentral.com. We want you to be here.

CONSIDER THIS

  • It sounds like you are trying to manage many stressful situations right now and that you would really like to find another way to cope instead of continuing to self-injure. The reality is that even though we want to make healthier choices, it can be extremely hard to change our pattern of behaviors. Instead of getting frustrated with yourself if you end up cutting, it may be helpful to reflect upon what situations lead you to self-injure and try to think of safer alternatives that could still offer you some comfort and relief. If this is something that you think could help, please go to the “Tools” page on TeenCentral.com, and check out the “Support Plan” for a helpful guide to get started.
  • You seem to have reflected a great deal about your gender identity, but you have not yet shared this information with other important people in your life. The decision of how you choose to come out is very much your own. However it may be helpful to prepare yourself for those who may not react in a way that is positive. What coping skills do you have that will not cause harm to yourself as your struggle through this journey? What are the things that distract you from cutting when you are feeling overwhelmed? It may be helpful to write those things down. This will help you hold yourself accountable when you are thinking about self-harming.

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