Stories

I feel alone

By June 7, 2020No Comments

I’m only 11 and I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but u can’t cope with these suicidal thoughts.  I can only get to 1 day clean of self harm and I hate myself for it.  I’m so pathetic.  I miss my few friends at school, but I’m too scared to go back.  I don’t want the bullies and toxic friends hurting me anymore and everyone is so fake.  I’m a boy trapped in a girl’s body and if anyone knew everything would get worse.  Nobody cares.  I starve myself because I hate myself, but I don’t want my family to worry even tho they hate my guts.  My partner wants to get back with their ex and won’t even talk to me anymore, even tho we are still together.  I’m too scared to fall asleep because of these dreams every night.  They seem so real, yet I can’t do anything but watch and I wake up with panic attacks and shaking non-stop.  I hate myself and I have to look at my stupid dysphoric body every day.  My family doesn’t even care, my best friend is gone, and I have nobody to talk to.  I don’t even know why I’m still here.  I tell myself I won’t be here the next day, but I can’t kill myself because I don’t want to cause anyone pain.  It hurts and I’m struggling to cope.  I just needed to vent so I came on here after being suggested it by an online friend, but this won’t help.  I just want to end my life every day and every night I break down and end up cutting.  I feel alone.

HELP YOURSELF

  • We are so glad that you were able to open up about your experiences on TeenCentral.com.  Sometimes when we feel very alone, knowing that other people have encountered similar situations can offer us a great deal of comfort.  Thank you for being so honest with your feelings and sharing your important story with a community of your peers.
  • If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please remember that there are many people who can help you during these difficult times.  If you ever want to actively hurt yourself, the most important thing is to contact 911 or your local emergency room for immediate, life-saving support.  Another option is calling the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 in order to receive assistance.  Even if you just need a place to vent about the different stressors in your life, you can text “HELLO” to 741741 in order to chat with somebody from the Crisis Textline.  You can find more information about all of these resources and other great supports on the “Help” tab of TeenCentral.com. We want you to be here.
  • It sounds like you have reflected a great deal about your gender identity, but you have not yet shared this information with other important people in your life.  The decision of how you choose to come out is very much your own, but it can be stressful, and at times scary, for many people.  If you search for the LGBTQ page on TeenCentral.com, there is some great information to consider both the risks, and (often overlooked) rewards of opening up to others about who you truly are.
  • You mentioned that right now, you are feeling distant from some of the people closest to you, like your family and your partner.  When we feel that we are struggling on our own with strong emotions, it can be very helpful to process our feelings with other people who can offer us support and reassurance.  Is there anybody in your life, like your friends from school, perhaps a family friend, or another trusted adult, with whom you may feel safe truly expressing how you are feeling right now?  Please remember that you never have to confront these tough times alone!

CONSIDER THIS

  • It sounds like you are trying to manage many stressful situations right now and that you would really like to find another way to cope instead of continuing to self-injure.  The reality is that even though we want to make healthier choices, it can be extremely hard to change our pattern of behaviors.  Instead of getting frustrated with yourself if you end up cutting, it may be helpful to reflect upon what situations lead you to self-injure and try to think of safer alternatives that could still offer you some comfort and relief.  If this is something that you think could help, please go to the “Tools” page on TeenCentral.com, and check out the “Support Plan” for a helpful guide to get started.
  • When we are already stressed during the day and then we experience interrupted sleep patterns, we can feel like there is no escaping our feelings.  What do you normally do in response to the panic attacks that you seem to have at night?  Sometimes when we are feeling out of control, it can help to focus our thoughts on something simple like our breathing.  If we are able to regulate our physical bodies, we oftentimes will find some immediate relief and better manage some of those anxious feelings that can overwhelm us, if we let them!  The TeenCentral.com blog has a post entitled “Calm Your Breathing – Anxiety Help” that has some great exercises that may help.
  • Especially when we are confronted with stressful situations, it is even more important to remember to take care of ourselves!  Is there any activity or hobby that you like doing for self-care?  Try to dedicate some time in your day to doing those things that will make you happy and introduce an extra dose of positivity into your routine.  Even though your day may not be perfect, you can use the “Daily Positive Reminder” tool on TeenCentral.com to make sure that you are prioritizing your mental health and doing something good for you each and every day!