My dad is all about the bible. He loves his God more than anything in the ENTIRE world, which means he HATES gay, transgender, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer, all of that basically he hates all of it.
Well today I went to a friends slumber party and my friend was a lesbian and I neglected to tell my dad that because I knew he would flip out like CRAZY which he did! My friend is a stud kind of lesbian so, it was obvious that she was lesbian. Well when he was coming to pick me up he saw her. I had been telling her to stay in her hotel room whenever he’s around but, she didn’t know he was here this time. She came out of the room and my dad saw her as she was walking into my room. He thinks she likes me. She doesn’t. That’s like saying because I’m straight I like every boy I see. No. That’s not how it works. We are just friends.
When he found out, he started cussing my mom out in the parking lot of the hotel. Loud. He said a lot of which I didn’t remember, all I know is that he was cussing her out really bad. Then he got into the car and started telling me that what I was doing was wrong, and my lesbian friend was an abomination to God and his beliefs that he wants so desperately to be mine. He told me that I’m not allowed to go anywhere, do anything, see anyone, call anyone, or basically have a life outside this house all because I went to a slumber party with my gay friend.
I’m only 15 years old so I can’t leave and I don’t think this situation is serious enough for me to run away but this isn’t the first time this has happened. I can’t stand it here. I want to leave. I want to get out of this house and never come back. I don’t want to be here anymore with my dad. I hate it here.
WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF
- It seems like you’re going through a really difficult time right now. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with the Teen Central community. It’s a very good first step to open up and share your thoughts and feelings when you are struggling.
- I imagine it is very frustrating to hear your father say things about your friend that you find quite offensive. It seems as if you feel he is generalizing negative stereotypes toward your friend and your friendship with this young lady. Be cautious that you do not fall in to the same trap by generalizing that all religious individuals hate the LGBTQ community. Assumptions and generalizations don’t help healthy communication. In order to deal with this situation you will need to have healthy open communication with family members in the days ahead, so keep an open mind. Remember, everyone does not have to completely agree to reach a middle ground or an understanding of one another.
- Check out our LEARN tab on our TeenCentral website for some great resources on LGBTQIA+ under the Sexuality subheading. Click HERE for a quick link.
- Have you ever considered having a conversation with your family about your feelings and your viewpoints? There are several ways you could do this since this is a subject that you both seem passionate about. Perhaps you could find a trusted family member, church counselor or guidance counselor to help you have the discussion – or to at least bounce ideas around with before the conversation. If not a direct conversation, perhaps write your father a letter, expressing some of your beliefs, and about the way it makes you feel when he says things that are not nice about your friend, especially without knowing her. Lastly, you could try something like a book or movie swap… you agree to watch or read something that he feels will help you better understand his moral values, and you do the same by giving him a book or documentary that helps him become better informed. With accurate and reliable information we can all become more knowledgeable.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
- I hear you saying that you don’t want to be at home right now, and I can understand your frustration. Think about some techniques you can use to help you through your days. Our TOOLS tab can help guide you toward some new activities, hobbies, and self care.
- If it is difficult being in the house, consider taking up walking or jogging to get outside. If you have a dog, offer to walk him/her.
- While you are in the house, think about things that you love to do that can help you get through a tough time. Listen to music, play a game, do some art, or read a book.
- Again, we commend you for being an advocate for your friend. It is courageous to stand up for the things that matter to you, but you must do so in a way that people will listen and join you. Hear both sides, gain understanding, speak with integrity, and you will accomplish much. We are glad to have you as a part of our community.