Stories

I want to give up

By March 8, 2020No Comments

i quit

I don’t know where to start……I am not happy with anything rn!! I don’t want to go to school on monday. I just wanna stay in bed and binge watch ncis and sleep. I literally lost my bff. I never expected it.

I want my old happy self back
I have been through a lot. I feel like I don’t matter and no one cares about me including my dad. I wish I could only live with my mom, but they both have custody of me. Life is terrible. My best friend almost died. I have so many trust issues and tried running away. I also have tried to commit suicide a couple of times with a charger and strangle myself. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I always fake a smile and act happy when I am not. My stepmom hates me and my dad only ever believes her. I go to therapy but I feel like all I get is crap for it. My own brother is in a foster home so I don’t see him at all. I like my stepdad a lot better than my dad and stepmom combined. I am starting to quit in life and not care anymore. Why do I exist?? I always ask this question. I know no one Is perfect but I am the opposite of perfect. My Grammy died Christmas Eve last year. When people say their life is terrible I say no it isn’t because I have been through so much and then when they ask how? Then I start crying. I wanna be happy and loved.
I don’t wanna be alive. I feel I don’t matter and no one cares about me anymore including my dad. Life is difficult… I tried running away and killing myself and I am only 12 and already don’t wanna live. I am not happy anymore. My best friend almost died. My dad doesn’t care about me only about my stepmom. God made a mistake when he created me. I want my mom to have full custody of me. My own brother is in a foster home and my Grammy died Christmas Eve a year ago. Nothing is fun to me anymore. I am the complete opposite of perfect… I don’t know who to believe. I go to therapy but I am not doing any better. Life just keeps proceeding to get worse. I attempted suicide in a couple of different ways. I don’t feel comfortable with anyone. I am scared that everyone is bad. I want to have friends but I don’t think any of mine care. Life would be better without me. I have a difficult life. I have suffered anxiety and depression for 3 years now. Take me away from earth. I beg you.
I am done. honestly i faked a smile ALLLL day. i was honestly thinking of slitting my wrist on monday.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain right now. Losing a loved one is a very difficult experience for anyone to go through and you appear to have feelings of being overwhelmed and fear that things may not get better. It appears that you have been struggling with some tough situations, asking for help is the first step. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with the TeenCentral community.
  • First things first – if you are not safe right now or anytime in the future I want to remind you that there are people who can help. On the “HELP” tab of TeenCentral.com there are many helplines and websites but two in particular come to mind for you specifically that could help. They are available 24/7 for people in crisis. The NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE – 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org OR the Crisis Text Line Available 24/7 Support to all individuals in crisis Text “HELLO” to 741741 www.crisistextline.org.  Don’t ever wait – people are there to talk to you right away.
  • I’m so glad that you are seeing a therapist and even though it’s not getting better yet I want to encourage you to stick with it. Sometimes therapy takes a long time to work. It’s a process. There’s a lot going on for you and so it will take a while to sort out. Don’t give up.
  • It seems like you have been through some really difficult situations over the past few years. Talking to a supportive therapist or trusted adult can help process through some of those hard situations. Often times when we keep things bottled up, emotions come out when you least expect it. Making a list of some trusted and supportive people (not just your therapist) that you can talk or vent to may alleviate some of those stressors.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • Take moments throughout the day to identify your strengths and positive things within yourself and your life. Know that you are not alone in these thoughts and there are people who want you to be here and can support you. Identify one thing every day that is worth living for.
  • It is great that you are seeing a therapist. Have you shared your experiences with them that has lead up to your suicidal thoughts? Communicating about your true thoughts and feelings can alleviate some of those ideas and reinforce that there are people that are deeply concerned about your well-being.
  • Grounding techniques such as breathing, meditation and (if it is relevant to you) prayer can help you feel less overwhelmed, calm anxiety and bring you peace of mind. When you become comfortable practicing these techniques, you will be better equipped to feel grounded in all situations that make you feel sad or depressed. Under the Tools tab on Teen Central, you can find some basics on coping strategies as well as positive self-talk. We want you to be alive.