I’m sad. I’m so lucky yet I’m sad. I think of the people who are homeless, who have less than me, but, I’m still sad. I hate the way my body looks. I hate how my mom slaps me so hard, and calls me dumb or stupid, but then just tells me to suck it up and she’s the one that deserves to be sad. I hate how I can’t cry or find comfort from my mom. I can’t tell anyone anything. I told a teacher one day and my mom just yelled at her. I hate how my dad lives in another country, and he’s the only one who I’ not terrified of. I hate how my stepdad slapped me multiple times, but then cheated and left. I hate that I am so happy at school, but get a sense of anguish shiver down my spine as I get dropped off. I hate how my mom can call me an idiot, how she can punch me, scream in my face, pull my hair, but I can’t get sad. I hate how being sad makes me feel like I’m ungrateful. I mean, I got to a great school, live in an amazing neighborhood and I have everything and more, but yet I’m sad. Once, I got a bad grade in a class and I cried so hard because I know I’m scared. I shouldn’t be scared. Should I? I blame myself. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not enough. My friends could never imagine me sad. Frankly, I wouldn’t if I were them. I hate how I have to smile. I hate how my mom doesn’t ever see my side of the story, yet, that’s how racism, sexism, homophobia and more all begin and continue. I hate how she can talk about her stressful life but I can’t talk about mine. I hate how my face looks. I hate the fact that all the things I have wanted to do, have been given to my sisters. Acting, nope, not for you. Dance, ehhh, your sister is younger she has a better chance. Gymnastics, I don’t think you’re good enough for that, but you can do tennis, and swimming. I hate tennis and swimming. There is a boy in my class who I really like. I want to talk to him, but then I think of all the things wrong with me. I think of all the things my mom tells me. I hate that. I know therapy won’t work. I hate how I try to throw up but I can’t. I’m so fat. I hate fear. I hate anger. I hate sadness. I hate my body. I hate….hate. I’m sad. I can’t deal with that but I’m gonna keep on pushing. I still have my friends. Please make this anonymous, no one can know who this really is, but you’re not alone. I’m still here, so stay here with me.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central for help. Sometimes we feel guilty or unaccomplished when we have big, overwhelming emotions. But the truth is that your feelings matter and we are glad you shared your story with us. Your struggles are real for you, and it is sometimes makes it worse when we compare them to others.
- It is important that you remain safe both physically and emotionally. If you ever feel you are in danger, PLEASE CALL 911. On the Teen Central website under the “HELP” tab, there are numbers you can call to get help, including 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), to help kids being abused, or you can text HELLO to 741741 if making a call isn’t possible. These resources are available 24/7. Your safety is the most important thing.
- You mentioned having friends to talk to. Do you have a trusted adult to talk to as well? Maybe a teacher, neighbor, or family member? It is important to talk to someone about the feelings you are having. Letting strong emotions build up can make things more difficult. It is important to have someone that you can share your thoughts and feelings with openly and honestly.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Finding an outlet to release some of the building emotions you expressed is really important. Yoga, aerobic exercise, art, and music are some examples. The choice is up to you. What kinds of healthy outlets can you use? If you need some ideas look under the “Tools” tab on Teen Central.
- Sometimes when we are overcome with strong emotions it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or when those that are close to us say negative or hurtful things it makes it difficult to see the positive things in and around us. Try journaling daily to focus on just that, the positive things. What is one positive thing that happened today? What is one great thing about you? What is something you are grateful for today? What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Start with those, if you need more journal prompts, check out our “What’s New Tab” or follow this link, https://teencentral.com/journaling-as-a-coping-skill-for-stress/.
