Stories

Life is a Waste and I’m Trapped

By December 9, 2020No Comments

Okay, so I feel really trapped. I feel like I’m sinking into a hole. I feel like I’m in a hole so deep I can’t seem to breathe. Honestly, I just want to disappear for a while and then come back. I’m not sure if this world is right for me. People are so cruel and I feel like no one truly understands how I feel. I’m so confused about a lot of things. But the thing I’m most confused about is my sexuality. I think I’m a lesbian but I’m not sure. Like I could see myself dating and having sex with a girl but I could only see myself dating a boy. I don’t think I could actually see myself having sex with a boy. Honestly, I just want to lose my virginity just to get it done and out the way and then just be a lesbian lol. That’s honestly how I’m feeling. My therapist told me to identify what my sexuality is and what it means to me. I’m not sure if I’m Questioning or a Lesbian. I’ve done a lot of research and some say I’m a Lesbian while others say I’m Bisexual. Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. I’m so confused. But I feel like I’m a Lesbian. But what I’m most afraid of is coming out to my mom. I don’t know how she’ll react. My mom is super strict but she isn’t religious or anything like that I’m just scared. I bought a Pride Flag and everything and I feel like I’m ready to come out but I’m really scared. Only like 2 people know. Can anyone help me with my crisis, please?

HELP YOURSELF:

  • Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central. It sounds like you’re really struggling and we hope you find a community here that supports you!
  • You described some very strong feelings like feeling overwhelmed and trapped. When feelings build up to a point that they feel intolerable, we sometimes look for desperate ways to escape. If you ever feel like an urge to escape that may involve harming yourself, please CALL FOR HELP – 1-800-273-8255 or TEXT HELLO to 741741. You are not alone!
  • We’re so glad to hear you have a therapist to talk things through with, and that you also have two other trusted people in your life. Please talk with them about your fears and confused feelings. It’s ok not to have everything figured out yet. You may find that your feelings and who you’re attracted with continue to develop as you get older. It can feel be very helpful to have at least one person to lean on and just feel heard as you go through this time of your life.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • What are the most important things you want from your mom right now? Is it her love? Support? Understanding? Acceptance? Try using journaling to write out what it is you need from her. You can try using the Journaling to Cope With Stress resource on our What’s New section to help. You could write her a letter to tell her what’s going on and what you need as a way to get the words out and give you both a place to start.
  • It’s important to remember that your sexuality is only one piece of you that makes up who you are. Give yourself time and space to figure that out – you don’t need to answer that question by any deadline. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to figure it out. We certainly understand that this is, and may continue to be, an important part of your identity, but consider giving yourself some patience and time to let this develop and see where this journey takes you. On the LEARN section of Teen Central, there is a Sexuality resource that you may find helpful.
  • It’s really hard to think clearly when your stress is really high. Chances are if you can find some ways to feel calmer, you may be able to think more clearly and identify your thoughts and feelings. Check out the WELLNESS section of LEARN for information about RELAXATION, and the TOOLS section for information about YOGA and MEDITATION that may help your body relax, which in turn will help your mind relax.
  • The decision to come out is a very personal and sensitive decision. Take some time to build a good support system around you before you take this next step. You have already made some great strides with your therapist and two friends. Because coming out can be very public, consider taking the time you need to feel calmer, less confused, less overwhelmed and more confident in your own mind before taking this next step.