Well I’m 14. I’ve never written here before so I hope it works. I hate myself to the extent of most days I’d rather end everything than be here. My life is horrible. I lost my mother at 13. I was recently kicked out by my father and I live with my sister and her 3 boys. I have a nicotine addiction and I lie a lot. I can’t help it. Nobody understands me and I keep messing up everything. I can’t have a day without being in trouble for something. And I know it’s my fault but a lot of the time I don’t feel bad about it. I feel like it’s because of someone else. How can I fix myself? I can’t look in the mirror without seeing myself as a disappointment. Please help.
- Thank you so much for trusting us here at TeenCentral with your story! It sounds like you have been through a lot. You show incredible STRENGTH and COURAGE by sharing your difficult experiences and events.
- YOU ARE IMPORTANT! You have had times that you didn’t feel like you could keep going. YOU ARE STILL GOING! Think about the trusted people in your life. We really encourage you to tell someone when you are not ok. If you don’t believe you have a person like this in your life right now, there are people that want to listen and help that you can reach 24/7. If you have a phone, put 1-800-273-8255 into it. This is the National Suicide Hotline. Call it anytime you need to talk to someone right away. If you like texting better, you can also text “HELLO” to 741741. You can also go to their website www.crisistextline.org. If you don’t have a phone, write these things down somewhere that you can find it easily when you need it.
- Check out the LEARN tab to read about Suicide, Depression, and Grief and Loss. Having more information about what’s going on can help you feel more in control and prepared to overcome these difficult times. It’s also easy to feel alone and hopeless when bad things seem to keep happening, but you are not alone, and we invite you to read other people’s stories to see that.
- It’s also important to remember that everyone is flawed and makes mistakes. When we are going through what seems like a never ending cycle of stress it’s easy to magnify these mistakes and feel like that’s all you ever do. It’s a normal part of stress and going through rough times. You can help yourself! Check out the TOOLS section for ways to give yourself a Daily Positive Reminder or build a Support Plan.
- Have you ever tried writing or journaling to get your feelings out? Sometimes jotting down our thoughts and feelings can be a powerful outlet to help manage emotions. You can also use it to reflect on the positive qualities you have. Stress can affect your emotions and thoughts and bring out more of the negative feelings than the positive ones. That doesn’t mean the good qualities aren’t there, they are buried below the pain. What would it feel like to do something each day, even just for 10 minutes, that brings you peace and helps distract you from the pain?
- Another important piece of helping yourself is focusing on self-care and being healthy. It seems like you aren’t really happy with your nicotine addiction. Sometimes people turn to nicotine to cope. Could you replace smoking with something that doesn’t cause you stress and helps you feel better? Simple things like daily exercise can be a natural mood booster. We have strength training, yoga, and running resources on our TOOLS page. If you prefer more creative outlets – drawing, mandalas, or other crafts can help change your mindset when feeling bad.
- What are the hobbies and activities you have done in the past that you’ve enjoyed? It can be the smallest positive, healthy activity that brings you joy – keep doing it. Keep trying to surround yourself with positive, trusting people who care about you – especially when it feels like you’ve lost other important relationships.