My mom talks down to me all the time. Every time she does it, it hurts even more knowing she means every word she says. I love her and everything, but she talks to me like I’m nothing is not ok to me. She treats me like I’m her maid. Every time she wants or needs something she calls for me. She knows she has more kids I mean she did have five including me, but I don’t know why she picks on me. I help out around the house, I watch my younger siblings even though they never listen to me and I tell her that. I try to make her happy and proud of me but it gets hard when she constantly looks down at me. She hates the clothes I wear even though she buys them. I want her to just love me and be proud of who I am and actually try to see that I am the only one that does anything in the house. I wish she would be the type of mother that doesn’t body shame their own daughter, because ever since she said that I was “fat” I started to think that I actually am and I started to stop eating. Now I have an eating disorder and I’m kinda okay with it. I know I shouldn’t but at least I’m going to look like my older sister. My mom has favorites and the list goes like this so first is the oldest, the second is the youngest, the third is the second youngest, the fourth is the middle child and the fifth is me, and if I’m being honest my name isn’t even in there. I love my mom but I feel like she doesn’t love me back. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wish she would sit down and let me talk and express myself without her getting mad.
- Relationships with parents can be really complicated growing up, and it seems like you are really struggling to be heard by your mom. It must have been really tough to reach out to TeenCentral about your family. We are here for you, and we are proud of you for finding your voice.
- Reaching out to TeenCentral is just the first step on this journey to work on some of these relationships. It is important to keep the communication going. Have you ever sought out advice from a counselor? I bet getting some of this out in the open with a trusted adult will help ease some of your anxiety about your family. Is there anyone in your life that you can think of that would be willing to listen? How about a teacher? a coach? a neighbor? aunt or uncle? Sometimes when we tell people how we are feeling, it feels like a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. And maybe that trusted adult can help mend that relationship with your mom.
- Often times the words that people say have a big impact on us and how we feel. If you are struggling with your body image, we encourage you to read through some of the information on TeenCentral, it may be helpful. Click here to check it out. Having a negative body image can be very defeating and leave you feeling that you may not be good enough for others. Changing that perception takes a lot of work and positive affirmations to change that mindset. Remember- we want you to be healthy and feel good about the body you are in.
Time to Make Some Changes:
- Here’s a couple things you can do that may make you feel more confident, in control of your emotions, and able to communicate your feelings in a way that is helpful.
- First- The connection between mental health and physical is so closely related. Meaning, doing things like eating balanced meals, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, and taking time everyday to be active, can help you feel better emotionally. I know this sounds cliché, but it works. Pick one thing you want to focus on and set a goal. Try drinking eight glasses of water a day. Or set an alarm on your phone to do something active once a day. Nothing major, just a walk or a quick stretch. If you need some ideas, click this link.
- Second- Find your support system. Take a look at who you have in your life that makes you feel more positive. Those people who make you smile just being around them. Use those people to help you find balance with your family dynamics. Surround yourself with positivity!
- Third- And this is going to be a tough one. Grab a pen and paper and write down those things you wish you could say to your mom. You said you wanted to be able to express yourself without her getting mad. Here is an opportunity for you to prepare some thoughts and ideas. Number your paper 1-10 and jot down ten things that you wish she knew that hurts you or frustrates you about your relationship. When you are ready to have that conversation with her, you will at least have some things written down.
- Lastly- Prepare yourself for times when your family dynamics get overwhelming. What positive coping skills can you use when it gets to be too much? What grounds you when the emotions are really big? Deep breathing is always a great one. If you have access to a smart phone, there are some really cool apps that can help with breathing. Try it out.