I’ve only been studying music for 3 years and my family, and everyone else around me wants me to give up. But I have this urge that won’t allow me to move on, even though the fierceness and the spark I had for music and being able to produce, write, and compose it, is dwindling away. I feel like there is nobody on my side anywhere, willing to fight for us until we make it.
I wish I can go back in time to the moments I used to live on campus before Covid-19; when I would dance my way to all my classes because the excitement for producing my own music and other artists music was soooooo great that I couldn’t contain it. It was like I knew that I was going to be a music producer/songwriter/composer someday but I wasn’t sure how it was going to happen; an electric wave would always go through my bones whenever I would think about working in the studio and recording songs that other artists write or that someday I write, and to see every single that my team and I have been working on for months, skyrocket on the EDM charts.
Now I feel like I’m keeping everyone back. I don’t want to be on this earth if I can’t do music, and from weeks of watching Swedenborg & life, a YouTube channel that basically explains life after death, I know that I would rather be in the spirit realm, where I could be happy doing what I love; where there is no condemnation, competition, and shame; where there are no voices or people telling me what I can or can’t do. There, I can be infinite and live the life I’ve always wanted to live. I can get out of this unattractive carcass that’s weighing me down and be forever light and free of pain from the flesh. But, unfortunately, like most people on this earth, I’m still afraid of dying, and that fear is keeping me from ending my life, which is what I really wish I could do.
I’m over trying to look forward to the beauty in life like getting married, having a family, buying our first house; because all of these chapters in life are a billion times better (there are noooo words to explain how massively infinitesimal these chapters would be) in the spirit realm, that’s if I leave this earth before judgment day. All you had to understand from that was that I have decided that I would rather have my first marriage, maybe have children, and to create our own kingdom (because everything is a trillion times richer) in the spirit realm. The most exciting thing about going to the spirit realm would be not having to give up what I fought sooooo hard on earth to achieve, my dream of becoming a music producer/songwriter/composer.
So technically am I giving up on my dream?
IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION:
- DON’T EVER GIVE UP! YOUR DREAMS ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, AND SO ARE YOU!
- We want you to be here so thank you so much for coming back to the TeenCentral community. Just having the COURAGE to reach out to us when you are struggling so much with these important questions about life, and feel so alone, takes a lot of STRENGTH. We are here to listen and to support you.
- There is HOPE. Even though the last year has changed many things about college, jobs, careers, arts and the ways companies work that doesn’t mean everything is changing in a bad way. Change can be scary, but in the end it can work out for good.
- Your safety is soooo important to us and we don’t want you to be in pain so in addition to seeking help here, we strongly encourage you to text “HELLO” to 741741 immediately for the Crisis Textline or call 1-800-273-8255 to speak to someone from the National Suicide Hotline that is available for you 24/7. You can also click HERE for direct access to other hotline resources at Suicide.org.
- Often times when people experience profound loss of any kind, they look for ways to escape the pain and feelings of hopelessness. You are not alone in this. Also oftentimes, when people try to escape their pain, it ends up following them unless it’s processed and worked through in a healthy way. Without understanding fully what you have gone through, we do understand that loss, hurt and struggle are universal. Because of this, many times connecting with others can help us get through the hardest of times so we can focus more on our dreams.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
- Please reach out to talk to someone live (in-person or over the phone) as soon as possible. If speaking to one of the crisis hotline / text lines is not an option, talk to someone positive who you can trust in your own life. Positive connections are very important and they can be found anywhere and everywhere if we just reach out – they help support us in our lowest moments and remind us we aren’t alone. We encourage you to use them. We also encourage you to read some of the stories of others here on TeenCentral and some of the responses we’ve given to them when you are feeling a bit better to help stay connected and supported in the future. You will feel less isolated when you realize you aren’t the only one that has experienced similar feelings about your hopes and dreams for life.
- We love that you love music. Music can be an amazing way to express and cope with emotions, thoughts and experiences. Even typically less lyrical EDM music can be super emotional in its beats and rhythms and have huge impacts on mood – just like you dancing on the way to classes. You can use that to your advantage. Have you tried channeling any of what you are going through into music? Here you have the opportunity to write (if you wish), create the track, and produce the finished song of your life and your truth. That matters and can be super powerful in helping you heal and be able to move forward toward your dreams. Once you are done, you can let others hear it or just keep it to yourself if you wish – the important part is you get to decide.
- Keep Dancing! Do the positive things that make you feel good. If you can’t dance, what are the other things that you enjoy? Do you play any other types of music outside of EDM or play any instruments? If not you could always consider learning. There are YouTube channels everywhere that can help you expand your musical talents. Aside from music, are there other positive things you like doing? Maybe there are even ways you can help make things around you feel a bit more spiritual here for yourself and your happiness. Doesn’t have to be anything major, it could be small stuff like going outside, reading, drawing, going for walks, exercising, cleaning, yoga, lighting candles, etc.
- Just looking at this picture and seeing how much amazing fun these people are having – please don’t give up – we need people like you and your friends making music like this so that when we can gather again people can dance to your music!