Stories

So What I Am a Bully? I Don’t Know I Am

By October 3, 2021No Comments

So i hurt my best buddies younger brother. But I was just messing with him you know just playing around I don’t mean anything by anything I do or say.
So anyway my buddy dropped me a text that we can’t be friends anymore because looks like I sprained his Lil brother s shoulder or something by twisting his arm behind his back. I was just messing with him because he said he was gay but I did it just so friends would laugh at what I do.
But I just bent his arm back so I could get go in to drop on the ground and make ever one think he was going to give ever one a well “you know” because he was a gay that not the word I used but you get it I’m used even though I didn’t really mean anything bad by it. I was laughing I thought that kinda showed it was fer a joke I would t hurt anyone fer real not on purpose an anyways he took off crying a
And my buddy punched me and left the other guys just laught and I told dem what did I do and they just said I was stupid and told me to go home.
So I didn’t mean to I was just jokin. Cuz I’m don’t want to be a bully, I don’t like em I always thought I was nice and cool and now my buddy don’t like me and I was just tryin to be funny with the guys. And the thing is I like my buddy and I can’t see hi. No more and his family are mad at mine and his brother hate me. My dad said it wasn’t my fault that he was a sissy but that made me feel bad I miss my buddy and I don’t have anyone to tell and all I can think of is my buddy my stomach hurts I wish I could go back and not do that to have stupid friends cuz now my heart it broke and I can’t tell my buddy I like him he hates me and I hate me more.

HELP YOURSELF:

  • Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central to tell your story. We’re here to support you and it sounds like you are working through some strong feelings of regret and loss from your choice.
  • As we’re growing up, sometimes we push the limits of how we treat others – sometimes we do it to see if it “fits” who we are, or sometimes (like in this case) we do things to fit in. Unfortunately, this choice has left you feeling pretty angry with yourself – which is actually ok (we’ll get to this in a minute). BUT, if you find that the anger toward yourself continues to build to a point that you start to feel like punishing yourself, please take a moment to reach out to someone that will listen and help you – 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741. Someone is always there 24/7. No judgment – we all want you to be ok and move past this incident.
  • You mentioned that you talked with your dad, but didn’t really like his response. Have you considered anyone else you could talk to about this? Another family member, another friend, a trusted neighbor, teacher, spiritual leader? We’re really glad you talked with your dad, but it sounds like another point of view might help you work through this a bit more.

CONSIDER THIS:

  • We mentioned that it’s ok for you to feel angry at yourself and the situation. Hopefully, you have learned a hard lesson here – that hurting someone is no way to be funny or popular. You’re right that you were bullying your friend’s brother when you twisted his arm and embarrassed him. If you are truly sorry, and don’t want to continue being a bully (to this boy or anyone else), you may have to make some hard choices – like maybe giving up being friends with the kids that you were trying to impress, or making a promise to yourself that you will never try to hurt someone again. Read about bullying on our website to learn more about the impact of these types of behaviors. 
  • Have you considered how come believing your friend’s brother was gay had anything to do with why you hurt him? As we grow into adulthood, we learn more about the broad differences between people – not only in how they look, but also how they identify themselves, who they are attracted to and how they want to live their lives. People are all so different, and that can be really scary for some. We have some information about Sexuality in our LEARN section that may be useful for you to read. Consider challenging yourself to talk with someone or do some journaling about why his being gay brought out this behavior in you.
  • Right now it sounds like your buddy and his family don’t want to talk to you. They are angry and hurt, (emotionally and physically) – and that’s ok. Give them some distance, and consider what you would say to them – the brother, your buddy, his family – if they someday give you the chance to talk to them. Would you apologize? Would you be able to back up your apology with an explanation about why you did what you did and how you feel about your behavior? Anyone can apologize, it’s really easy to just say two words (“I’m sorry”), but what takes real courage is living that apology every day. Never doing that thing again, and being able to explain how you know it was wrong.
  • As you go through this, remember to take care of yourself. We are made up of so much more than one mistake or one success. Take time to build your character by finding creative ways to express your feelings, or maybe consider volunteering opportunities to help others.