Stories

Thoughts of Suicide

By December 2, 2020No Comments

I’ve thought about killing myself so many times. Maybe I could take pills, or hang myself, or slit my wrists. But I can’t do it right now. My brother is going through some pretty rough shit right now, he’s told me I’m the only reason he’s alive right now. How can I kill myself when he says shit like that?!

I’ve thought about it so much. I wonder who would find my body. What my last letter would say. When would they realize something was wrong? To be honest I’m not gonna kill myself at this moment in time.

But if I were to get hit by a car, or take one to many pills, or drive home drunk, or fall off of something tall, I wouldn’t complain. I wouldn’t fight to live, I would close my eyes and thank god that it’s finally over.

I’m so tired of fighting to live. I just want one moment where I don’t have to feel anything. A moment when all of my anxiety and sadness aren’t there. I’ve thought about doing drugs or drinking but that would be a very difficult task since I live in the middle of f*cking nowhere. I’m so tired of being here I just hope I don’t have to much longer.

Help Yourself:

  • First and foremost- PLEASE KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE ONLY A PHONE CALL or TEXT away that can assist you. Please call – 1-800-273-8255, there is someone on the other line 24/7 or you can text someone at HELLO to 741741, just know you are not alone.
  • If you feel that you are in immediate danger, please dial 911 right now. We want you to be here.
  • It may feel really hard right now, but asking for help is the first step. You are in need of a really strong support system, and you may have it, you just need to share your story with them. Asking for help in those dark moments is a great start. There will always be someone there for you.

Consider This:

  • It is important to find hope in these times when you are feeling very down. What is one thing that is worth living for? Take some time to think about that question. Challenge yourself to come up with an answer. When you find hope in one thing, the light will start to shine brighter. That is what will help you through these dark times.
  • Think of one person who you can talk to in your life. You mentioned your brother as someone that is important to you. Find a way to connect with him. You both may be going through a lot right now, but you have each other for support. Start with that. These are reasons to be here tomorrow.