My stepmom is pregnant at the moment and there will be a 13-year age gap between me and the baby. It kinda just feels like I’m the mistake in my family because I grew up with not the most money and I was born when my parents were young. It will be the exact opposite for this new baby. I know I am a mistake and that this is the family he actually wanted. He wanted a family that was later in his life and to have a family with someone that he actually wanted a family with. He has that now but I’m not apart of that family. I am a part of the family from before and me and this baby are going to grow up in completely different ways. That baby will grow up with a dad that wanted it and was responsible. I grew up with one that didn’t want me and couldn’t care less about what he did.
Help Yourself
- It must hurt so much to have this kind of doubt in your family. We’re sorry you’re feeling this way, and we’re really glad you felt you could reach out and tell someone.
- Adding a new member to the family is a very stressful time for everyone- whether it’s happiness, insecurity, fear, joy- all can still be stressful. It’s very important for everyone to communicate with each other because you are the biggest supports for each other. Have you thought about sitting down with your dad and your step-mom to talk about how you’re feeling? They may be able to help alleviate some of the things you’re worried about.
- Change is difficult for most people- it’s a loss of what you know, what makes you feel comfortable. But it isn’t always a bad thing. Have you thought about all the ways the new baby could bring positive things into your life with your family?
- Another thing you may want to try is reaching out to a counselor- whether it be a school counselor, church counselor or someone in a professional practice- to have a trained, unbiased person that can help you navigate these feelings, as well as conversations with your family.
Consider This
- We have a new topic on our Teen Central site entitled “Families”. It’s a section we’ve started to help those dealing with family issues. One section there now is regarding cognitive traps, or black and white thinking, and how to navigate those. You may want to consider reading through that.
- Have you thought about sitting down and making a list of things you’d like to do/ teach the new baby? You’re going to be older sibling- think about the things you can teach them!
- This is often suggested, but during prolonged times of stress, have you considered keeping a journal for yourself? A place that you can keep your daily thoughts- positive and negative, and if you feel like it, keep track of ideas that you want to discuss with either your family or another supporter? Sometimes it helps to have somewhere to put your ideas first, before you bring them out to those around you.
- The biggest thing- talk to those you care about. Give them a chance to share with you how they feel. Let them show you how special you really are.
