A year ago, I moved states and in with my dad. Being a female teenager, I had some issues with my mom. But I’ve always had issues with my mom. I’ve suffered from chronic anxiety and bipolar depression the majority of my life, and that was hard for my mom to deal with. Eventually got fed up and kicked me out. For no real reason, I might add. So I moved. My dad and stepmom are great people and gave me their support in my decision to officially move out of my mothers and have my dad petition for full custody of me. One year later, everything had been a rollercoaster but ultimately ended well. My dad and stepmom got full custody of me and I’ve made new friends at my school. I also had the opportunity to explore things I never had before. I Like both boys and girls. I didn’t know what that made me. I grew up in a primarily Christian home and town, and that sort of subject was ridiculed. So, I never brought it up or discussed it. When I had seen my mom after I moved, I had tried to discuss it with her but she wouldn’t listen. My first year at my new school I stayed mostly to myself, but developed friends, and eventually a boyfriend. We dated for about 6 months and broke up as friends.
A while after my break up, when school resumed, I found myself wildly attracted to this one girl. I had noticed her last year in one of my classes but hadn’t come out yet and was already talking to another guy. So I never pursued it. But then she showed up in the majority of my classes. So I came out to my dad and stepmom, told then about his girl, and after months of flirting (she likes girls too) I asked her out. Thankfully she said yes! That was months ago. We wrote each other little notes and always got little gifts. When Christmas came, we both outdid ourselves in gift giving. I had fallen in love with her. And fast and harder then I did any other guy I’d ever been with. With Christmas comes Christmas break, so we had two weeks of school off. Today was our first day back. I missed her like crazy. I was so excited to see her and just hold her again.
Then today out of nowhere, she blindsides me and tells me she thinks we need to break up. She explained part of it and told me that she needs to focus on herself. It’s a completely understandable thing to want to do, so there wasn’t a lot I could say. I told her that I was still here for her if she even wants to talk. We had gotten so close. It felt like losing my best friend. We both cried when she held out her hand to shake hands, I could bring myself to do it. I wanted to be smiling and laughing about skipping lunch. (not really just the first 10 minutes so we could talk. Not what I was expecting.) I wanted to be holding hands and holding her. There are so many little things that hurt me after I walked away. I took off the necklace she gave me, and bracelets we both wore because of stuff we had been through together. Even the essential oils (for stress relief) I had with me made me cry because she always told me how much she loved that smell. Now, I can’t talk to my best friend about this horrible breakup I just went through, because she’s the best friend I lost. I skipped the rest of lunch and let her explain to our friends what had happened. I cried the whole time. I just feel like there are so many questions left unanswered. So many things I never got to do and say. I love her, and I’m hurting. I’m not really sure how to cope with this. It doesn’t feel like any other breakup. It feels like somebody just told me that my best friend died and I can’t ever get her back. I have a stack of her stuff sitting by me, and I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m not sure if I cant handle being in class with her right now either. It feels surreal. I just wish that I could walk up to her and have her tell me it was all a dream. Please, somebody, help me. I’m not sure what to do.
CONSIDER THIS
- It is hard to end a relationship you were so close in with the other person. It can feel like your insides are all bunched up and ready to erupt.
- Maybe you can hang out with some other friends right now. Take some time to treat yourself to something nice like a favorite movie or listening to your favorite musician.
- Time heals all things. Maybe during this time of grieving you can be kind and tender toward yourself by doing something to distract yourself for a little bit like exercising, reading a book or finding a new hobby to help your process through this.
- If you feel up for it maybe you can write down how you are feeling and release any sadness to help you process through this difficult time.
HELP YOURSELF
- What would happen if you hung out with other friends and did something nice for yourself?
- What are something things to help take your mind off what happened for a little bit like exercise or reading a book?
- What would happen if you wrote down your feelings to help process what happened?
