Am I being used? Feels like I am. My relationship with my partner ended around a month ago due to my mistakes. I understand and expect her to dislike me. However, I have had these thoughts during the relationship also. She has been jobless and broke for over a year and relied on me. She would ask me to take her places, ask me to buy things and expect me to do extra around the house as well as working, her idea of a shared partnership seemed to be that she did the cleaning of some areas, and wash clothes and id go to work from 5 am until 6 pm, to then come home, do the dishes that she used throughout the day, do a clothes wash if she hasn’t, and clean up the living room/ other areas. However, this has continued after our split. She asks me to take her to see her friends, despite her having her own transport. She will get me to buy her food and if I say no due to finances, she says she will starve herself or eat only bread… I feel like I’m being used heavily and manipulated due to guilt. Yes, I regret heavily what I’ve done and deserve to be disliked, but surely as a human being, I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I don’t deserve to be constantly begged for money and guilt-tripped if I say no. Same goes with travel. What do I do? I feel trapped and she says she has nowhere else to go as her family doesn’t want her. Her friends don’t really have any room so if I do put my foot down I feel like I’m making her homeless. She has no issues that stop her from getting a job. Why have I done this to myself? I have expressed this to her as well, and nothing…
Help Yourself
- Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central with your dilemma. This sounds like a troubling situation and we’re glad you asked for some support rather than just continuing to struggle on your own.
- Ending a relationship at any age is not easy. It sounds like you’re a little older than a teen, but the message and information on our site can still be helpful. In our LEARN section, check out the RELATIONSHIPS tab for some guidance about healthy and unhealthy relationships. While it seems you already know this relationship with your ex doesn’t feel right, it may help to see some information in writing to confirm what you’re thinking.
- Do you have any family members or someone you trust to discuss this situation with? Someone who knows you, maybe even both of you, and can help you talk through the situation and what you feel you need?
Move forward
- One of the toughest things to work through when an important relationships ends is creating a new path that doesn’t include your ex in the same way. Some people are able to adjust their relationship and remain friends or acquaintances, others find that the relationship is too damaged and that it’s best to no longer talk or be in each other’s lives. Consider using the MAKING HARD DECISIONS in the TOOLS section to help you decide what direction YOU want to go from here. It’s ok for you to think about what you want or need more than your ex’s wants or needs. You’re used to making her an equal (or even more) priority when you were a couple. It’s time to think about your life differently.
- Once you decide what it is you want, consider sitting down with your ex and set some boundaries or limits about what you’re willing or not willing to do. Consider asking a friend or family member to be there with you for support. Be honest with her about how her requests make you feel, and what you need going forward. Any relationship, be it a friendship or romantic relationship, won’t survive on guilt and obligation.
- Rebuilding after a relationship ends is not easy. Check out our WELLNESS section for ideas about relaxation and how to take care of yourself. Consider returning to, or taking up new activities/interests to fill your life and create a new routine. This could also open up new avenues to meeting new people and finding new friendships, possibly a new relationship.
