I have an exam tomorrow. It is past 12 am now and I haven’t finished studying at all. To b honest I just started studying a few hours ago. It is my 9th-grade finals. I tried to study for it before but I procrastinated a lot and I hate myself for it.
I have been depressed and in a rut for almost a year now. I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything useful. There is no one I can ask to help, my parents don’t understand a thing about mental health and when I tried to talk about it before they never really gave a shit. Not to mention they are also physically and mentally abusive. The school counsellor won’t work cause there is a chance they know my parents. There is no trusting adult or anyone in my life to help me either. I have told my friend about how abusive my parents are and she did tell me to call someone for help, but it is not as simple as that. I will feel guilty if I call and report my parents and I live in a different country, not in my motherland so I don’t even know if calling the police will help.
Back to the exams, I have always been an A-grade student so everyone expects the best from me- my parents, my sister, my teachers, classmates, all of them. So if I do get a low grade for tomorrow’s exam then I will probably be punished and will have to answer to a lot of people on why I didn’t study properly. I haven’t submitted a lot of my assignments either so the overall grade is going to be low. It is a science exam and it is one of the hardest subjects for me to understand, especially PHY and Chem. When I try to ask someone for help they tease me cuz apparently I am a nerd and I am supposed to know everything. I am trying my best to study now but I am tense and scared and my hands are shaking and can’t understand shit.
Idk what to do, I am scared and I just want to kill myself and get over it. I mean it seems silly. It’s just supposed to be one exam mark but my whole life my parents told me that if I don’t get good grades then I won’t be worthy enough and stuff like that. Heck, I cry even when I lose just a couple of marks.
I just want someone to comfort me but there is no one I can talk to.
HELP YOURSELF
- Thank you for reaching back out to TeenCentral. We can “hear” the extreme stress you are feeling about this exam you have coming up through your writing, and feeling like there’s no one to give you comfort must be very difficult. Many young people resort to extreme solutions when they are feeling isolated, stressed and alone. We want to help you try to avoid an extreme solution and hopefully see a more moderate way through your challenge.
- Let’s address the safety in this situation first. If you’re feeling so overwhelmed that you are having thoughts of killing yourself f, or even hurting yourself, you should seek help immediately. Depending on your location it could be local authorities in an area outside of the United States (since you told us you are located in another country). It also may be a medical facility where you can let them know what’s going on. You could also call your country’s emergency number (9999) if you decide you want emergency personnel to come to you, but that is a big decision and not everyone is comfortable with that. NOTE: The following hotline is international and will be accessible from anywhere in the world. This is another option for you if you are feeling suicidal and want help but are not ready to go somewhere in person to ask for it.
Crisis Textline
Available 24/7
Support to all individuals in crisis
Text “HELLO” to 741741
www.crisistextline.org
CONSIDER THIS
- In regard to your exam, you may want to consider that you already have most of the information you’ve learned. Consider taking some deep breaths and do a simple review. You know what you know at this point, so try and make sure you’re able to go into the exam well rested. Studying all night wont help if you’re too tired to recall the information.
- Consider trying to brainstorm ways to change up your studying process for future assignments. If you’re in a rut, and studying is difficult, maybe try changing your location for studying. You could try a different room, or even set up a space outside where you can get some air while you’re studying. The change may help.
- Being good at anything- academics, sports, etc. is something to be proud of, but it doesn’t mean you can’t struggle with things from time to time. Allow yourself to be human. When you’re ready, and hopefully you can find someone to support you through this, start to set small goals for yourself that will be easier to achieve. Once you start managing those little successes, move on to bigger things. You’ll find that mountain doesn’t seem so high when you’re already halfway to the top. Best of luck on your exam!
