Hey Teen Central. I feel like this is a weird place to ask, maybe not the right place, but I don’t have access to a lot of resources and this is the only place I thought to go. I’m 17, love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, and am planning on moving in with him. I have some worries but the biggest one is probably what’s going to happen between me and his alter. He has a few split personalities, one regression (maybe 10 or so? he’s very sweet) and one whos probably just our age and is kind of aggressive. He doesn’t do anything drastic but he says some awful things to me and makes me feel like he only wants me for… extracurricular activities. I had a talk with that alter last night (he has known for a little while I’ve wanted to talk to him but he only comes out when he feels like it.) and he was saying things that were upsetting me but I thought we were really getting somewhere because he was actually listening and kind of communicating with me and even said he would try to be nicer to me. I said “mhm” because I was trying not to cry and I think over the phone it sounded sarcastic so he told me to f off and hung up. I want to talk to him again to explain.
I really want to befriend him I guess but have no idea how to go about it and need help. he’s a part of my boyfriend and I want to love him too
HELP YOURSELF:
- First, we at TeenCentral would like to thank you for reaching out. You definitely came to the right place for some resources that can help.
- Although you seem partly intrigued in your boyfriend’s ‘alter’, it also seems like a slightly scary situation as well. Is your boyfriend seeing a therapist that specializes in dissociative identity disorder? It’s important that he does. DID is challenging and he probably should have professional guidance in how to manage his symptoms. It may be good for you also to attend some of these sessions and learn from the therapist how to interact with him in a healthy way. So much depends on where your boyfriend is in his path to integration. It would be difficult to tell you exactly how to handle this particular ‘alter’. His therapist would be a much better source of guidance. Keep in mind that it’s possible a therapist may suggest that your boyfriend is not in a good place to have a romantic relationship. Depending on the course of treatment and where he is, he may need to be by himself and work on his issues without the possibility of hurting others for a while. It’s something you should consider.
- There are organizations out there to help. A great option is, The National Teen Dating Violence Hotline who are ready help you with any Questions or concerns about your dating relationships. They are Available 24/7 and can be reached by calling 1-866-331-9474, by visiting their website, http://www.loveisrespect.org , or by Texting, “loveis” to 22522.
If you ever feel in need of support during challenging/scary times, please do not hesitate to contact The Crisis Textline by texting “HOME” to 741741 or visiting the website at http://www.crisistextline.org. Counselors are available 24/7 to support all individuals in crisis.
- Try to think about the people in your life that are standing in your corner. Have you tried reaching out to any of them for help/guidance? If not consider doing so. Some of these individuals may include people like aunts/uncles, siblings/cousins, teachers or guidance counselor.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Above I mentioned reaching out to the people standing in your corner with you, to help with this, consider checking out our Support Plan guide on the Tools page of our website. This is a great tool to help identify who these people are and how to approach them for help.
- A great resource also found on the Tools page is the 8 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships sheet. This is just a quick overlook of some Red Flags to watch for. After this check out the Dating Violence information.
- I like to encourage writers to scroll through our What’s New section and read other posted Stories. Both are great resources of advice and guidance provided to other teens who have written in and also great blogs covering many topics that teens today experience.
- Most importantly, remember that even though it may seem and feel like you are alone, you don’t need to go through these challenging times alone and there always is help out there, you just need to know where you can go and who to turn to.
