So this is going to be short because I hate typing things out. I was recently told I was so close to having an Eating Disorder. Anorexia to be exact. I made a bad decision of telling one of my friends, who I don’t really think is my friend. He has threatened to tell everyone and post on his Snapchat account of my issue. This only bothers me because he has a huge account and he has a subscription button and stuff. I have had so many other issues other than just him. When I started eating again I gained weight and have been starving myself for a few days. I weighed 106 and I really want to be 98 pounds again. Weighing 98 pounds was when I was comfortable and now I feel chunky and big.
Not to mention anytime I try to talk about this to my best friend she always brings it about her somehow. And she makes snarky comments like “wow I can’t believe you didn’t blow away in this wind today” or “I can see your ribs”. I guess I have gotten used to these comments, I still don’t like them but they could be worse comments.
Not to mention I don’t have a good relationship with mom. She would always tell me how skinny I am, and I do blame this eating disorder on her and her mother (her mom {aka my grandmother} told me she wished I’d starve to death). She would tell me how my stomach would start to look chunky, or that my butt looked too big in baggy pants. She told me these kinds of things when I first started going through puberty around age 11, and I am now currently at age 13. I am still developing but now she tells me things like “you need a feeding tube” and stuff like that. I don’t like her at all and in fact, on Monday she cursed me out and told me that she wished I wasn’t even her child.
I know this is going to be sad but I wished I stilled looked anorexic, I finally felt happy looking that skinny. I feel like having an eating disorder is the only thing that I truly like about myself. I wished I was around 90 pounds and will make my goal I don’t care.
HELP YOURSELF:
- We thank you for reaching out to us with your story! It can be really difficult to be vulnerable and share stories about personal challenges. You have a lot of courage for coming forward and we appreciate you trusting TeenCentral for support.
- There are people out there that have a lot of information and training and can help anytime you need it. Use this link to see how to chat online, call or text a helpline to connect with someone that can offer help, resources or just listen: Contact the Helpline | National Eating Disorders Association. Also you can text NEDA to 741741 and someone that can help in a crisis and also knows about eating disorders will be available to talk with you.
- It sounds like you are having a hard time talking about this situation with some of your friends and family which can feel pretty discouraging, but DON’T GIVE UP! This is a very important issue that should be talked about. The best source of information for any concerns regarding physical health and weight is always going to be a Doctor. Aside from that, it is still important to find adults in your own life that you feel comfortable talking to. Do you have any other family members or trusted positive adult figures you can reach out to? How about a teacher or guidance counselor?
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
- Living with a potential eating disorder can be very impactful to both your physical and mental health. We encourage you to check out the sections on Body Image and Wellness under the “Learn” tab. Within our “Tools” tab, we have many useful resources related to exercise and physical health but also other tools to help your emotional health such as support plans, daily positive reminders, and even a virtual hug.
- Have you tried journaling? Going through the stress of a possible eating disorder and the difficulties with some of your family and friends make it super important to find healthy methods to cope. One of these could be journaling which you could do in many different ways. You could write down your own thoughts and feelings, try writing a letter to someone you have a hard time talking to, or even use it to track healthy eating. Check out “Journaling to Cope with Stress” in the What’s New section.
- It seems like you spend a lot of time not feeling very happy which is a tough way to live. Sometimes when we are going through tough times, we can lose sight of the things and people that help make us feel better. What are some things you can do that you enjoy? Even the smallest things like watching a favorite movie or listening to a certain song can have a huge positive impact.
