My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, and it has been a very healthy, stable, and loving relationship. However, I have really debilitating anxieties about being cheated on. I’ve always had self confidence issues, and feel like I’m a very ugly person. No matter how hard he tries to show me that I am not ugly, I still have a very hard time with self image. I get very jealous easily, and I get nervous when my boyfriend has other friends who are girls. I know these intrusive thoughts are wrong and absolutely awful. He should be allowed to have other friends who are girls other than me, but that little voice in the back of my head always tells me that “he’s cheating on you!” and I can’t figure out how to stop it. He’s going to college next year, and these anxieties are kicking into hyperdrive. He’s only going to be about an hour away, and I can still visit him weekends / holidays, and he said he still wants to continue our relationship. I’m just scared, to the point it is starting to affect my daily life functioning because I am SO anxiety ridden! I want to talk to him about my fears, but I’m not sure what to say.
CONSIDER THIS:
Many people who lack confidence in themselves also experience problems with jealousy and possessiveness in relationships. This is very common in teens and young adults. Think of self-confidence as a muscle. It grows stronger in response to the level of performance required of it. You need to use it and exercise it, or it will stay weak and you could lose it. Want to maintain a healthy, jealousy-proof relationship? Want to banish your anxieties over your boyfriend? Build up that inner confidence!
The great thing about self-confidence is that it will help you manage your fears, and make you stop second-guessing yourself. It will help you to do things in your life that you never thought possible. It will improve your relationships, and is widely considered to be the sexiest asset in both men and women. Building up your self-confidence is a sure way to improve yourself and maintain a healthy relationship with your boyfriend. It will minimize your jealousy and fears, and help you end self-depreciating thoughts about yourself. If you radiate confidence, others around you will be attracted to it, and you will have an important tool to achieve anything in life.
The good news is that there are many many things you can do to build up your confidence, but you need to practice it and exercise it to keep it in strong working order for you.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Hit the gym regularly. Getting physical exercise will get you out of your head. Staying in good physical condition will build confidence like nothing else can, and the physiological effects will leave you feeling great! If you can’t get to a gym, bike or go for long walks each day. What is a good goal for you to get some kind of physical activity?
- Spend more time with your friends and family. Ask them what you can do for them and how you can be of help. Next time you are in a social situation, don’t just stick with people you know – go have a conversation with someone you don’t know. Put your phone away and really connect and listen to others when you are with them. Stop thinking about your own issues and think of ways to help others. Who are several people you could connect with this week?
- Next time you talk yourself out of doing something new or challenging, say to yourself, “Why not?” and do it anyway.
- Never stop reading and learning. Give your mind plenty of fuel to expand and grow. Keep your mind well fed. Write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind feeling nourished and make sure you are including them in your life. What can you do today to help yourself?
- Look for patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or over-thinking. Imagine your best friend went through the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back. What would you want to say to them?
- Make a list of things you are tolerating in your life and write down how you can remove or minimize those things. Then do it. Make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you instead of just going with the flow. Bring those things that matter to you into your life. Don’t worry about what others think of you or how they see you. Don’t let yourself become boxed in by other people’s opinions or ideas. None of that matters. Make up your own rules about what you do and how you do it. Notice how freeing this is.
