Hello, I’m 19 and I’ve had a few occasions before to have casual sex. I turned them down. Even if they were exactly what I wanted. I am still a virgin. I’m not looking for a serious relationship at this point. I just want to discover and enjoy myself. I want to get more experience before possibly looking for something serious.
What actually prevented me from accepting these ‘offers’ was fear. Yes. Especially the fear of getting pregnant or getting STDs. Most of the guys that asked me to try it were probably not stupid to go without any protection, but you never know. It just fails at times.
I kind of lost my trust in my parents during my teen years. I’d like to ask them more about contraception and maybe to make an appointment with a doctor to discuss this in more detail. I don’t know if they’d be open about it. I wonder if they’d accept the idea of me having casual sex. I’m a bit scared to ask them about it. They weren’t really ‘adventurous’ when they were younger, so I don’t know what to expect.
How should I bring this topic up without offending them? How should I approach it and stay true to myself at the same time? I also have the option of simply consulting a doctor on my own, but it can be hard to meet one by myself. What should I do?
CONSIDER THIS:
- Discussing private matters with your parents can make you feel hesitant and uncomfortable. You are doing the right thing to question whether they should be involved in your possible choice to use contraception and have sex.
- Having sex is a very adult choice to make. You need to ensure you are responsible enough emotionally, mentally and physically so you can be sure to enjoy it and most importantly be safe.
- Try easing your parents into the idea of you having sex and see how they react. If they seem uncomfortable and angry they may be too closed off to the idea. If they are acting responsibly, they may want to help you. If you still don’t know, ask another trusted adult or doctor about what they think about asking your parents about this important matter. Be honest and know the consequences of your actions because your parents will figure it out eventually.
- Research and learn everything you can about sex, STDs and pregnancy so you know what you’re getting yourself into.
- If you see a doctor you can ask him all the questions you’d like to. Whether you go alone or with your parents, do what makes you most comfortable. As you said they aren’t open-minded and are probably very likely not to agree with your decision. At the same time, they may have the valuable knowledge you lack as a virgin.
- Take your time on making your decision because you’re still young and it’s a very important decision that will probably change you and have a positive or negative effect on you for the rest of your life in some way.
- Remember that casual sex can be dangerous and rape is a seriously dangerous threat. This is the real world so be very careful.
- If you do decide to have casual sex, know your rights. You have the right to report this person to the proper authorities if he rapes you or even touches you in a way you don’t want him to. In case this person forces themselves on you in any way, on the Teen Central website, you may go to the Help tab and call the National Sexual Assault hotline or the police.
HELP YOURSELF
- Is your virginity more important than you think or is this what you really want?
- In what positive and negative ways might this affect you and your future?
- Would being around children more often make you feel more comfortable with the very real possibility of having a baby?
- In what ways can you prove to yourself and your parents that you’re mature and responsible enough to have sex?
- Are there other activities that could replace sex at this moment?
