I have a horrible relationship with my parents where one mentally and verbally abuses me and the other just being manipulated into it. I hate my mom just because of that.
We used to have a nice relationship because I was very naive and young at the time, now that I’m older, I realized that she was gaslighting me into things that were out of my control. Every single time that I would confront her, my dad always comes back just after the incident and say that I need to listen to her because she’s my mom. But who cares? She yells and threatens my siblings and I, that if we don’t listen to her, that she’ll beat us up or kill and eat our kittens. She is an overall shitty person and a mother.
And despite all of this, she still says that she loves us..? It feels like I’ve fallen into her trap because I still love her too. I want to hate her but I can’t.
HELP YOURSELF
- First, thank you for writing into TeenCentral. It sounds like you are going through something that can be both very frustrating and scary.
- Most importantly make sure that you and your siblings are safe. Is there someone that you can contact to help in these moments such as a local authority? Having someone threaten to “beat or kill ” you can be very scary and letting someone know that this is occurring is very important. If you don’t feel as though you can trust the police or authority, you can also contact the hotline that I have added below. They will be able to give some advice into this situation, and also ideas on how to keep you and your family safe.
- Lastly, talking to a trusted adult can be very beneficial. This can be anyone from a teacher, neighbor, friends’ parent, or even someone in your family. Letting an adult know what is going on and processing through this information can really benefit your mental health and assist you in getting out some of that information.
Child Help USA National Hotline
Available 24/7, over 170 languages
Helps youth who are suffering child abuse
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
http://www.childhelpusa.org/
CONSIDER THIS
- Talking and communication can often be a scary thing. Maybe sitting down with your father and then your mother could really assist in getting out how you feel. It is ok to love your mom even though you feel as though she is making a bad choice of words. Again, communication might be able to let them know that this is upsetting that this is the way that this is handled and come up with a plan to work through it together without these words.
- Processing is a great way to work through how we are feeling and what some outcomes could be. Journaling can be a great way to process through our emotions and we are using two parts of the brain and allowing ourselves to be a little bit more vulnerable in us through processing. Use your journal to write down what you want to say first before having difficult conversations. That is a great way to stick to the point in those talks instead of getting off track. However, your situation may be beyond just a talk or conversation. You really may want to make that call or talk to a guidance counselor about what’s happening at home. Safety is what’s most important.
- Lastly, finding a Hobbie or something that makes you happy could be a great way to get through some of the stresses that it sounds like you might be having. You never know maybe this is something that you and siblings could do together as well. Take this time to work through what these things could be and maybe it could even develop into something the whole family can do together.
