I tried to hang myself yesterday because I thought my best friend wasn’t my friend anymore. I felt like I lost someone close to me. She has been my friend for as long as I can remember, and losing her would mean losing half of myself. Thankfully, we talked, but that’s not the only cause of my depression. My mother died when I was four, and it scared me. I had no one to really talk to and I became shy. Finally, I found a group of “friends” who weren’t there so much. My best friend was the only one I could really count on and she made things better. So did my boyfriend, who I fight with from time to time, but all in all, we are great. He makes me laugh the most and he tells me how perfect I am…but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel it because of how much has happened to me. People tell me how beautiful I am, yet I let the negativity get to me instead. I cry at night thinking so much about the past and how much I screwed up, or how many mistakes “I caused”. Most of the time, the mistakes weren’t my fault, I just got blamed for them. I’ve gotten used to being blamed for everything. People always say “She’s a drama queen” and “It’s always about her.” I still stay with my friends, though. It may not be the smart thing to do, but they’re all I have. My BEST friend and my boyfriend are all I have. I’m a very broken and jealous person, which can affect the people around me, though I tend not to speak my mind or about my problems. I feel like now is a good time to just let it all go and rant. I hope to get more help and I hope to tell you more about my story, thank you.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Sometimes, it can feel like the problems you face at times are too big and too hard to handle.You may feel alone and like the only things you value in life are your best friend and boyfriend. Despite the hardships you’ve faced, your life is bigger than that and there is much more out there for you to enjoy and love.You are tough for dealing with growing up without a mom and feeling depressed and you deserve to have your happiness grow.
- Try making a list of what you think is important in life and what makes you happy. Once you make this list, reflect on your own life and determine which parts of your life you cherish and which parts need some work. For example, you say your best friend and boyfriend make you happy. Perhaps relationships (friendly, familial, or romantic) are part of what makes you happy. If you are unsatisfied with the relationships you hold with people, try to look for ways to improve them (make more friends, bond to become closer to friends and family, etc.). Working on the parts of your life that you feel are important can help you feel more happy and full of purpose.
- When you are feeling hopeless, pause and take a second to think about why you feel that way. Life is bigger than a series of individual problems. Know that whatever you’re facing, the sadness that comes with hardship is temporary and that your problems are worth working through. It’s easy to feel hopeless at times and like you’re under a lot of stress, but that all passes if you can be patient with yourself and your emotions. Depression can take time to fade away, but what you can do to help yourself is reach out to those who care about you to get help with your problems, whether that just means talking out your problems with them.
- Try no to let individual hurdles, like losing a friend or a loved one, take away the meaning from the rest of your life. While those types of situations are definitely terrible to go through, it doesn’t take away from all the other things that make your life wonderful. When you are feeling down because of specific problems, think about why the situation is making you sad, if it’s something that’s worth being sad about, and what you can do about it. For example, let’s say your best friend refuses to be friends. Obviously, you’re sad because you value her/his friendship. If you value your friendship with them, it’s something worth being sad about, but in the bigger picture, your life is so much more than this one friendship– you can always make new, even better, friends! What you can do in this scenario is either work to fix things with this friend or choose to move on and make new friends. As you can see, the problem is temporary, doesn’t determine the value of your life, and is fixable.
- If you ever feel suicidal and need someone to talk to, the Child Help hotline is a phone call away at
1-800-4-A- CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
HELP YOURSELF:
- What do you think is important in life?
- How does your life compare to this?
- What problems do you face right now?
- How can you overcome these problems?
- In the long-run, how do these problems impact your life? Do they determine your future happiness, success, etc?
