Hi- This happened when I was in kindergarten when this kid (name withheld for privacy) got in trouble at the end of the day and he was crying a throwing a fit but when it was time to go me and him were still inside the class and as soon as I was trying to leave he pushed me but I didn’t cry I just thought it was an accident but he got on top of me and humped me for a minute or two and I was traumatized and too scared to tell anybody but to this day I still haven’t told anybody. And now I feel like I’m afraid of all boys/men the way they look at me at school or anywhere else.
You have probably seen my other story about getting humped and take note I’m a 7th grader and anytime I go somewhere BOYS and MEN are always staring at me or talking to me- before I moved to a different neighborhood this man will always offer me cookies or this time a little girl fell in mulch and the old man said she got some in her hair but he ended up touching her but and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for trusting the Teen Central community about this painful memory from Kindergarten and your ongoing fears about boys and men. It can be really tough to put words to events that happen to us that feel so scary or embarrassing, and speaking up is exactly the best thing to do! Good for you!
- There is lots of support out there, (besides us!) and you should know you have people that you can talk to 24/7 if you want to talk more about how what happened in the past is effecting you or if you’re just really having a hard time. You can call 1-800-273-8255 or click this link – https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. You can also text HELLO to 741741.
- It sounds like you are really struggling with feeling afraid and nervous around males – children or adults. This isn’t something you have to deal with alone. You’ve taken a terrific first step to start talking about what happened by writing to us. Do you have a family member, friend, or another person like a teacher or guidance counselor that you could talk to about this? Now is a good time to have a person that will hear you and help you work through your fears.
WHEN YOU’RE READY:
- We usually don’t think much about romantic relationships or sex unless we’re thinking about puberty and growing up, but the truth is that our sexuality is starting to develop right along with the rest of our brains and bodies from the time we’re babies. Lots of adults don’t feel comfortable talking about sexuality, so kids are sometimes really confused about feelings or urges they’re having and they don’t have a way of knowing what it’s all about, or how to understand things they hear about or see on TV and the Internet. What’s worse is kids sometimes don’t know what behavior is ok or a problem. Any behavior that makes someone else feel really scared or uncomfortable is a problem, so even though it’s possible that boy may have been having a “normal” physical sexual feeling, it wasn’t ok that he did that to you. That being said, the memory of that experience you had with him might have made you really nervous about being safe around ALL males – boys or men. That’s why it’s really important that you talk to someone you trust so you can learn more about recognizing a risky situation and staying safe. Also, you don’t have to keep feeling afraid all the time or miss out on possible friendships or relationships with males as you get older. To give you some information about relationships and being safe, check out the LEARN section about Sexuality and Relationships.
- The other thing you may want to learn more about is Anxiety. We have information about that in our LEARN section too. It can really be exhausting to worry all the time, and sometimes it gets so bad that we need help to manage it. Not all anxiety is bad, just when it gets too big and takes over our thoughts so we can’t enjoy things, or stop thinking about the things we’re worried about. If you read about it, and think this may be a bigger issue, that also would be a good thing to talk about with your family or another trusted adult. There are lots of things that you can do help calm your anxiety.
- Please take some time to “bank” positive thoughts and feelings. Do something every day that you enjoy – even if it’s just for 10 minutes! Check out our Wellness section for ideas about how to relax, and also think about what you love to do – drawing, music, playing games, sports, exercise – the list goes on and on! When we are worried about something, we can forget to take care of ourselves or take time to breathe.
