I had the pills in my hand. This was a week ago. I didn’t really think it was a big deal. I was having a severe anxiety attack and one of my suicidal episodes. My boyfriend and I were having a fight, not a huge one but one where in my mindset at the time it was horrible and stressful. He wouldn’t get it through his head that I was at a breaking point. He didn’t understand I guess… but he eventually went to a friends house and didn’t reply to me till the next morning. So I thought he was ignoring me, or something. Maybe I thought he was loosing interest. So I went to my moms bathroom grabbed her sleeping pills and got a handful and almost swallowed them. Then I thought to myself, it’s not worth it. My boyfriend would be heartbroken and my parents would find me and be devastated, so I threw them away. I know I shouldn’t of done that, but if I didn’t I could’ve gotten my hands on them again. I haven’t told my parents and I don’t want to. And I haven’t told my boyfriend. We have been together for a year now. We have promise rings and have no doubt about getting married after school ends. So I have things to look forward to, but I need more help with communicating with my family and him. And, I need help with coping skill for anxiety.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Thank you for sharing your story and seeking help on TeenCentral! You made a very brave decision by thinking through the consequences of your actions and throwing the pills out.
- Your next step is find some help with counseling. Please do not try to do this on your own. It is very difficult and counseling will give you the help to learn coping skills for yourself as well as ways to communicate with your boyfriend and your family. If you feel uncomfortable seeking out a counselor now, tell a trusted adult and have them help you with the process. This could be a family member, a friend of the family, a counselor at school, or anyone you feel comfortable with seeking some support. It is important that you continue to seek out trusted adults until you are able to find counseling. Sometimes, the first adult you ask might not know how to handle this kind of situation, so if that happens, find another adult.
- It is important after you reach out to a counselor that you share what is going on with both your boyfriend and your family. The counselor should be able to support you with this and I know it is very hard, but it will help your relationship with them. It might even make the relationship closer.
- Finally, it is important that you find some ways to provide self care to yourself on a daily basis. Make sure you are doing some of the things you enjoy. If you have stopped doing those things, figure out a way to get them back into your life.
- You might want to write down some coping skills on an index card during a time you are feeling positive. This way, when you are in a depressed mood, like the time you felt like taking pills, you can look at the card and remember that this time will pass, it is only a small part of your life, and you do have the ability to work through it. You have learned this already from your past experience and you were able to give yourself a very good message of , “it’s not worth it” and throw the pills out. You can do this again.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Who are three trusted adults you feel you could share your feelings with and ask them to help you seek a counselor?
- What are a few activities and interests you have that you would like keep in your life and how can you encourage yourself to engage in these?
- What kind of coping skills do you have that you can write down on an index card or piece of paper?
- What kind of reaction do you expect to get from your boyfriend and family if you told them you would like to get some help?
- What kind of support do you see yourself getting talking to a counselor?
