I want to get married to the love of my life but I feel as if my parents aren’t going to be accepting. How do I sit down with them to tell them about my boyfriend and his intentions? I really want to spend the rest of my life with him and it is important to me. We have been dating for 3 years and I’ve known him for about 5 years. I really think that this is my soulmate.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Speaking to your parents about situations that are important to you can make you feel worried and anxious. You are considerate for wanting to talk to your parents about this even though it stresses you out.
- Getting married is an important event in your life. It may difficult for your parents to see your side of things because they may not want you to make a horrible mistake that could ruin your life. Since you’re still young, it’s probably wise to take your time before coming to a definite conclusion about getting married.
- You may want to write down your feelings and any questions you may have about marrying this boy that may help you understand whether you’ll be doing the right thing or not. For example, have you had any other boyfriends you can compare him to so you know the difference between a soul mate and someone you’re not so sure about? Are both you and your boyfriend responsible? Do you have similar goals (children) that will lead you down the same path in life? Do you think you both are capable of selflessly and unconditionally loving a child? Does your boyfriend help you be a better person or does he tend to hold you back from making progress in important ways? Are you sure you know your boyfriend well and can tolerate all of the little things he does that may irritate you for the rest of your life? Could you see yourself with someone better than your boyfriend in the future?
- You can ask yourself if you love your boyfriend for the right reasons. For example, do you genuinely care about his feelings and does he genuinely care about yours? Do you both see past outer appearance and care about each other as human beings? Do you think you’ll still love him when he’s old and gray? Do you treat each other with an equal amount of love and respect? Have you both resolved all past issues of possible abuse or childhood trauma?(Not resolving your issues could cause one or both of you to become abusive to any children you might have. You may even hate each other for it.)
- You can try using spiritual techniques like prayer, meditation or yoga to better understand what you should do. Attending church services might also help you clear things up.
- If you need someone to talk to, you can head to the Teen Central website and click the Help tab to call one of the hotlines.
- You can be positive. Head to the Teen Central website and click the Tools tab to download helpful resources if you’d like.
- You can write down what you want to say to your parents beforehand. If you speak to them, you can try to understand their feelings about the matter. If they give you advice, you might benefit from taking it into consideration. Give them time to talk and speak to them in a responsible manner. You can try being open and clear about your feelings and intentions. Be prepared for negative feedback but try to remain positive for the future. You might find out you want to wait a few years before you get married so you’re sure about it or go along with any current plans. Either way, making wise decisions will likely take you down the right path in life.
HELP YOURSELF:
- If you married your boyfriend and he cheated on you, do you think you could still be with him? Why or why not?
- In what ways do you think having children would change your life and your relationship with your boyfriend?
- Does questioning a possible marriage make you feel better, worse or the same? Consider the reasons why you feel the way you do.
- How can you prepare yourself beforehand for how your parents may react to your news?
