Hey. So, I am at a really weird point in my life. I’m 17 and a college junior at this amazing university, which is great, I guess. I have a couple amazing friends from high school that I don’t appreciate much, a few really mean, smart, rich friends at my college that I don’t fit in with, an ex-girlfriend who I occasionally talk to when I’m upset (I loved her) and a boyfriend I never really liked and that’s it. I don’t have family and I’m pretty lonely. Anyways, in high school I was really popular. I had a loving mother, I had perfect grades, and I was a good Muslim girl. When college first started that was all the same, but during the second semester things began to unravel. My mom got very sick, my grades started suffering (like a 3.9 to a 2.0, it was bad), and I was hurt by a guy that I trusted a lot. Basically, since then, it’s been a rollercoaster. I had a 3.7 then a 2.4. I go through periods of modesty and periods of being really promiscuous. I’m doubting myself a lot right now, because I’m trying to take the LSAT and get into law school, but I don’t feel good enough to try. I feel really weird about my boyfriend too. I enjoy having sex with him, which is something I feel pretty guilty about because I don’t want to have a serious relationship and he might be falling for me. I want to fall in love with him but he isn’t in college at all, he’s some idiot Republican, and not the smart, politically-minded, good Muslim boy that I imagined myself with. The last boy I was dating wasn’t like that either, but I loved him like crazy until he dumped me and got locked up… Yeah. That happened… Anyways, my current boyfriend is fun and easy to talk to. Also, I’ve been occasionally sleeping with other people, something I really feel guilty about in regards to us (although, I have actually told him) and my personal/religious feelings about that kind of thing. Right now I’m really stressed about school. I really need a 4.0 from now on and enough credits to pull up my GPA to a 3.5, not only for grad school, but for my social life. I don’t have many friends because I’m not considered smart anymore. This really stinks. I don’t know. I want to achieve and marry a good Muslim man, become an immigration lawyer, an ambassador, a senator, and I feel like I deserve to have a great life, especially considering all the stuff I’ve been through. Sometimes I just go somewhere to be alone and I start thinking about things, yelling at myself, and just screaming. I’m afraid I’ll never reach my goals and that my life is over. I’m afraid I will reach them and I won’t be happy. I’m afraid of failing in this life and the next. I’m afraid of trying and not trying, and just wondering if I should readjust them and try to be happy. But, where does happiness begin?
CONSIDER THIS:
- It can be very frustrating and overwhelming to have to deal with school and relationships, especially at the same time. In addition to that, it can also be scary when having to deal with the uncertainty of the future. You are brave for contacting TeenCentral.com for support.
- Consider talking to your boyfriend about your feelings. In this case, it may be better for him to know how you feel, openly and honestly, rather than to get too deep into a relationship and have hard feelings between the two of you.
- It can be frustrating when you feel lonely, as you said. Consider making new friends through different social activities such as clubs or study groups. If you choose to meet people through a study group, they may also be able to help you with your grades.
- Consider taking advantage of your university’s tutoring and/or academic/guidance services. They may be able to guide you in the right direction in regards to your future and give you advice as to how to help your grades.
- Taking on the stress of relationships, school and the future can be tough to do on your own. Consider talking to a trusted adult, such as a guidance counselor to get support and possibly advice, as well.
HELP YOURSELF:
- What can you say to your boyfriend to explain to him exactly how you feel?
- What can you do to meet new people and make new friends around school and in your area?
- What things can you do to help your grades (think going to the library, making a study plan, etc.)?
- What are some specific clubs or services you could take advantage of to help your grades?
- What are some things you can do as self-care to take a break from all of the overwhelming, scared and nervous emotions that you feel in regards to your future and the situations you are faced with now?
