I’m kinda scared. I’m being pressured into getting a job by my family. I’m stuck in a relationship that’s going nowhere. I’m in a house in which I feel like I do not belong. In this house, and I get no food, so I have to buy my own meals elsewhere, even though that was the deal when renting (that the landlord would make meals, however, there’s no legal contract as she’s my dad’s partner.) I am quickly running out of money due to these 3 factors independently. I tried most options such as removing one of the factors, I tried breaking up with my girlfriend (because she’s emotionally abusive and constantly makes me feel bad about myself) but then she guilt tripped me into staying. I also couldn’t leave her without crying, so I gave up on that. Now I’m trying to get her to leave me. I tried moving out of the house I’m in now but my dad became extremely hostile and even threatened to completely abandon me (the house owner is his current partner, they don’t live together, but I rent a room from her, however, I don’t get food, especially now that I have a dietary requirement due to me recently being diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, and told to eat a lot of fiber etc. which there is none of here.) So, I stopped that idea, and still live here. So, I am still paying rent, still traveling a 2-hour journey by train to see my girlfriend, and still basically having to buy my own food as the woman who owns this house does not provide the correct food for me. I have discussed it all with my dad who said he discussed it with his partner (as she does not talk to me). However, even though I have only been back here one day since I went to visit my mum for 2 weeks, nothing has changed. It is now 8:30 pm and I have had no food as there is nothing I can really eat in this house, but I am not going to buy food as I have no money which leads me to my original issue.
I do not feel emotionally or mentally ready for a job, yet my family, mainly my dad, is trying to force me into jobs when I don’t feel comfortable. I understand it’s a big step for everyone to get their first jobs, but I feel like not everyone feels this strongly about not getting one. Just thinking about one can send me into depression and make me feel sick. There is nothing that calms this down or stops it. I understand I need money because if I carried on living the way I do on my budget, then I would be in debt. There have to be other ways, though. I know ending my awful relationship would save me money, I am just not strong enough to do that, I feel. Also living here is just killing me.
I need some help, I don’t know what to do. I just want to disappear really so that I don’t have to deal with any of this. Sorry if this doesn’t make the most sense, I just can not seem to word it correctly right now, there’s a lot going on in my mind. Thank you.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Depression can make you feel powerless. Suddenly, everything seems impossible or like it takes extreme amounts of effort and you may begin to doubt that you’ll be able to handle it all. Try to remember that there are people there to help you through these tough times and that you always have options.
- Your feelings of hopelessness may be causing you to see hard choices, like breaking up or getting a job, as impossible feats. Once you get back to a healthy state of mind, you may find it easier to complete these hard, but normal, choices. Until then, you may want to reach out to family to help you get over your depression. Let them know how it makes you feel and how you think addressing your depression will help you better address the other problems you are facing. Keep in mind, though, that sometimes life doesn’t give us a choice of focusing on isolated problems. Life has a way of making us juggle several problems at once. While you may want to focus on overcoming depression, you may need to somehow handle your other problems at the same time.
- Once you feel confident with your emotional state, assess your current situation and your future. There are some things that are inevitable and that you’ll need to face sooner or later– you just need to decide when. If you do not see a future with your girlfriend and know you can’t be with her forever– you will have to break up with her eventually. As you become an independent adult, the only way you’ll be able to support yourself is with a job. Saving money by breaking up with your girlfriend is a temporary solution. Eventually, you will need to get a job so that you can survive. No one likes breakups or work, but both of these situations are inevitable: you will eventually need to find the strength to break up and to get a job. The choice you have is in deciding when– let yourself struggle with the current situation longer or hone the inner strength you have to do what’s difficult now so that you can begin to have a better future.
- Make a list of the choices you have and their consequences, both good and bad. Let that list help you decided which choices are worth making or worth ignoring. For example, you have the choice to refuse to get a job. The consequences are, you have to eat whatever food is in your house at the risk of your health. You also have the choice to get a job and the consequences are that you are doing something you don’t want to do (you don’t want to work) BUT you get to feed yourself in a healthy way. Only you can decide which life is worth living but know that both choices have their costs.
HELP YOURSELF:
- What can you do to help yourself get over depression?
- Why do you think these choices are hard, especially for you?
- What will happen if you don’t get a job? Can you be jobless forever?
- What will happen if you don’t breakup with your girlfriend? Can you do this forever?
- How can you motivate yourself to do what is hard for you?
- How do you wish life was for you right now? What can you do to give yourself this life?
