Hi, I’m writing because I don’t know what to do anymore. I went to my mom to talk about how I feel. The topic was about college in Mexico. Last year she found out my dad was getting involved with an other woman. They separated at the beginning of February 2020. I was struggling mentally then. I stayed with my dad and my mom and brother moved to my aunts. She then moved back home in May. Ever since then I can tell she isn’t comfortable living with my dad. I’m a senior in highschool so I have to think about college. I try to help her in the house as much as possible as she has 2 jobs. But recently she has expressed that she would like for me to go to college in Mexico ( where we are from). I do not want to but she brings it up every time. And she always says she would move to Mexico with me. I recently expressed that I felt that financially it would be easier if she stayed to help my dad out money wise. I could tell she didn’t like when I said that. So I ignored and later on went to my aunt to explain to her what happened. Two days ago and I asked my mom to talk to her privately. When we did I expressed to her that I felt that she was using me going to college in Mexico as an excuse to move away from my dad. I also expressed that I could tell her and my dad weren’t getting along to well still. She then proceeded to say that she was aware that college in Mexico was cheaper and that that’s why she wants me to go there. And that the ONLY reason she would move with me is to give me support so I wouldn’t feel lonely. Then she proceeded to say that she didn’t know how to talk to me anymore so that I don’t get hurt. She then said and I quote “if you don’t want me in your life anymore tell me”. Now before she moved back home she spoke to me saying that she had the thought of never speaking to me again. This would be the second time she expresses not wanting to be in my life anymore. I have no idea why she would tell me “if you don’t want me in your life tell me” when I have NEVER expressed me not wanting her in my life anymore. This of course has made me feel horrible as a daughter and have just stayed in my room. When I did see her I said hello and she just kind of forcefully said hello back. I feel like I’m not wanted by her anymore and I don’t know what to do. I constantly am having anxiety of encountering her because of what she could say or what faces she could make towards me. I know she loves and cares for me but I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to seek out therapy but I unfortunately don’t have insurance and I don’t want to ask my parents to pay for my therapy. I don’t want to encounter them at the moment as I’m still hurt from what she told me.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for reaching out to the Teen Central Community! It takes courage to put yourself out there, especially with a topic as personal as family issues. We hope you know that you are not alone and you can always find support and help here.
- We encourage you to check out some of our resources that can help you work through your feelings and communicate with others to find a solution. Under the “Learn” tab, we offer information that can help you. We also have a “Tools” tab with many good resources you can use for a variety of different needs. There’s a support plan for those moments when you just aren’t feeling good. There are guides for coping skills such as running, strength training, and yoga to help calm yourself when feeling angry or anxious. You can even find a social skills resource to help you effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings to others.
- Getting a good education and reaching some of your goals (such as college) seems really important to you. Its a great thing for you to focus on right now. It sounds as if you are still currently in high school and perhaps could utilize the guidance counselor at school. Even during COVID, if you are working remotely for school, you should be able to have an online meeting with your guidance counselor. This is twofold: guidance can discuss options for college and also perhaps direct you toward therapy and/or accessing insurance.
CONSIDER THIS:
- It’s really impressive that you have been able to communicate with your parents and also your aunt. Why not try jotting some things down that you want to say to them in the future. This is helpful to collect all of your thoughts prior to those tough conversations. Think about it… What is the most important thing you want your mom to understand? Who can be there to help mediate the conversation? What can you do to help support your dad at home? Also— write down your goals and an action plan to achieve those. If you want to graduate college, who can help you get there and what will you have to do to accomplish that goal?
- It sounds as if you are concerned about your father having help in the home. It also sounds like your parent’s relationship weighs heavy on you. I understand it’s difficult, and it is not the responsibility of children to fix things for their parents. So continue to do what you can by opening the line of healthy communication.
- Also, as a matter of self-care, try some relaxing activities such as listening to music, working on crafts or art and going for a walk to release stress. When you feel you are becoming overwhelmed with emotions or anxious about your future, take a step away from those thoughts and do something that makes you happy. Just going outside and being in nature can be beneficial to help ease your mind. Even if it’s just for 15 or 20 minutes.
