I feel so incredibly lonely. I messed up with my best friend and we haven’t been the same since. I realized that because I put so much into him, I pushed everyone else away. I have people to talk to but I’m not close to anyone anymore. They’ll listen to me but they shouldn’t have to. I have no one to call anymore. I have an incredible family with three older sisters but life moves on and they get busy, and they don’t need to know. Everywhere I turn people are polite but nobody can help like my best friend could. I miss him so much. I don’t need him but it hurts to live like this, I never wanted to do anything without him ever again. I feel so alone. Will I ever be lucky enough to have that connection again? I don’t know where to look for it and I don’t want to wait. I’ve been pushing my best friend to come back and try again but he doesn’t want to. But I can’t stop. All I want more than anything is to have him back. Everyday I feel this extreme feeling of being lonely.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for reaching out to Teen Central. We’re glad you decided to share your painful story with us, and hope you find support and community here.
- Friendships need care and get stronger the more you grow them – as you learned with your best friend. We’re sorry that this important relationship isn’t there anymore, and can understand how lonely you feel without this friend in your life. This is a loss, and it’s ok to not be ok for a while. Check out the LEARN section for information about grieving and loss that may offer some information and comfort.
- But remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You mentioned having an incredible family – time to let them be incredible to you for a while. Let them in and tell them about what happened and the pain you’re feeling. They don’t have to solve any problems, or fix anything – because having someone listen to you can feel so helpful on its own.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Consider giving your best friend some space. It doesn’t sound like it’s helpful right now to push him to return to the friendship. We know you don’t want to wait – but you may need to. You can’t force friendships. Some last a long time, some are only going to be a part of your life for a short time. Respect your friend’s wish for distance. Apologize sincerely for whatever you did (if you haven’t already) and let him know that you would be open to being friends again in the future, but for now you’ll give him the space he wants. He’ll probably appreciate that you’re showing you respect him and you’re listening to him.
- Those other friends you mentioned may not be as out of reach as you think. But before you decide to grow some other friendships, think about what it was that made your relationship with your best friend so good. Did you like the same things? Did you trust him to tell him your problems? Did he notice awesome things about you and tell you about them? Did he support you? Consider using some journaling to figure out what you really want in a friendship. The SUPPORT PLAN or MAKING HARD DECISIONS in the TOOLS section may also be helpful.
- Having an honest conversation with someone can go a long way. Consider reaching out to some of those friends that are a little more distant and letting them know you’re interested in being better friends. Invite them to chat, or play a game online (we know options are limited right now) to feel more connected again. Be honest with them if they ask you why you haven’t been around, and sincere about wanting to spend time with them.
- There’s one person that we definitely think you should consider being better friends with – yourself! Being comfortable doing things on your own is not the same as not having friends. It’s healthy to spend time with your thoughts, doing what you enjoy and feeling comfortable spending time alone once in a while. Maybe 10 minutes a day? Consider discovering (or re-discovering) things you enjoy doing – exercising, music, art, reading, playing video games – whatever! Check out the WELLNESS section of LEARN and some of the TOOLS that also talk about meditation and yoga for some other resources that may help.
