When I was younger I lived with my mother who had me at the age of 18. She did not have much money, and would often leave me home alone with my brother. We moved very often and I never really had a place to call home. Later she met this guy, and they had my younger sister. They would fight all the time, and sometimes it got so bad the neighbors would call the police. I was two at the time and I still remember where I would hide. After they broke up we moved again. That’s where my mom met a friend, who started taking care of my older brother. And this lady knew someone else who would take care of me. So it started out on Mondays ,Thursdays, and Fridays I would go to her house. As I grew older my mother decided to ask if their family that should take care of me could keep me all week. As the years went by things went like that. But once I was five my mom started moving again so I saw her less and less. At the age of eight i started with anger issues. I would get mad at everything. I would yell at my parents and tell them I wish I was with my birth mom, and say stuff like I hated them. we would have fights like that about five to six times a week. My parents finally decided to get me a therapist. I didn’t really feel comfortable around him, so they got me another one, and the same thing happened over and over again. Things kept getting worse, by this time I was about 9 or 10 and that’s about the time I started thinking about suicide way more often. Some days I would think to myself, maybe if I kill myself, people will notice and then finally show respect, because no one really cares until your dead right? At the age of ten I was finally adopted. I tried to show happiness but I was just sad. Now I am 14 and I am doing okay. I’d say on a scale from 1-10 my mental health is about a 4, it’s better I guess. I have a new therapist and she’s pretty nice. I will say I do have really bad anxiety, and I think about suicide about once a week, but its better that it was. One more problem I have, is hiding my true feelings and acting like I am okay when I am not. Because then it all builds up inside and I start hurting myself or obsessing over every imperfection I have. Today I am doing okay, my best friend just ghosted me for no reason and sent me a nasty text but I’ll live. So that’s it thanks for reading this. I hope you have an amazing day/night!! And always remember you matter. 🙂
Help Yourself:
- Thank you so much for sharing your story here on TeenCentral. That was very brave of you and your positivity is amazing!
- You mentioned that your parents have worked on getting you a therapist in the past, do you still meet with one? If not, consider trying again. You are older now than you were when you first tried and it may be less scary for you.
- Your therapist can help you with expressing your feelings in a positive way and not bottling them up inside.
- Remember all the resources of people you have. Have you spoken to any trusted adults about this? How about any aunts/uncles? How about any teachers or even Guidance Counselors? Even your doctor would be able to help you with some of these things and even help to find a therapist in your area.
Consider This:
- You mentioned how you have struggled with anger and depression even in the past. If you head to the Learn section on our website, we have many topics you can read about that may help. Consider checking out Anger Management and Depression. There is also information about Family and Toxic Friendships.
- After you are done reading those, head over to our Tools page where you can find many different tools and activities that have proven to be very helpful for many in guiding them through these challenging times and feelings. Some include Good Friend/Toxic Friend, Anger Map, Weekly Mood Tracker, and my favorite Support Plan.
- The Tools listed above can help navigate through your thoughts and feelings as well as identify your triggers, coping skills, and who you have fighting along side you.
- Have you taken the time to identify your coping skills? Coping Skills are more than just journaling and art, however, both are AMAZING options for expressing yourself and releasing any negative feelings. Coping Skills are what we enjoy doing doing and make us happy.
- Consider Journaling, Drawing/Coloring/Painting, Building things with your hands, Legos, or even Reading/Writing.
- Exercise is also a great way to cope. Exercise is proven to produce more of those happy juices inside our brains and promote positivity and overall better mental & physical health. If you head back to the Learn tab you will find a lot of information regarding Wellness such as Being Active, Nutrition, Relaxation, Spirituality, & Weight Management.
Your positive outlook is more important than you may realize and will play a key role in this continued journey of healing. Don’t ever lose sight of it! Remember that you are not alone and the help you need is out there…you just may not have realized it yet.
GOOD LUCK! THANK YOU! and remember… YOU’VE GOT THIS!
