I’ve left many stories on this website before, one of which got me put into a mental hospital. while i was there, my suicidal thoughts basically disappeared. i felt happy. i was able to meet people who were like me, and had similar interests. i was finally able to be myself. i stayed there for about a week, i think. when i heard i was going to get sent home in a few days, i felt sad and suicidal again. i even thought of pretending to hurt myself so that they would keep me longer. There’s nobody i can connect with anymore. nobody in my town is around my age and as mature as i am. i can’t be myself. I’m forced back into my little shell of insecurities and hatred. It’s not like I can even go back to the mental hospital either. It’s too expensive. I’m not sure if my insurance covers it though.
please don’t try and track me down and alert my parents or school about this. I don’t want that burden on my parents.
FINDING HELP NOW
- We’re glad that you were able to get the help you needed in the past. It sounds like this placement was able to help you through your immediate crisis, which is what they are there for.
- If the hospital was helpful to you, you may want to narrow down the reasons why it seemed to work. Was it the people, the program, the structure? What worked there that doesn’t seem to work when you are outside of the hospital?
- Do you have someone in your life that you could bring this up with to help you put similar things in place for outside of the hospital? Have you tried talking to a therapist about what you need? If not a therapist – what about a guidance counselor or older sibling, cousin or family member who you trust? Nothing replaces a face to face conversation with someone you really feel comfortable with. In fact, that might have been what really made the difference there.
- Just in case – please remember that if you do feel unsafe, you can always contact the site below:
Crisis Textline
Available 24/7
Support to all individuals in crisis
Text “HELLO” to 741741
www.crisistextline.org
- Here is something else to consider. If you really do want to go back to the hospital you can walk into an ER of your local hospital and tell them that you are not safe – that you feel suicidal. A crisis therapist will evaluate you for placement in a psychiatric hospital and will talk to you about all the details including cost. You don’t have to rely on others to force you to go to a place where you can get help. You can get help yourself. If the hospital is too far away you can call 911. Your pain and your difficulties are REAL and you deserve real help. Of course the best thing to do is to involve your parents/guardians – but you are always empowered to help yourself.
Consider This
- We have several resources in our “Tools” and “Learn” sections of our website that specifically deal with Depression. You may want to take a look at those if you haven’t already. There’s a workbook that we also use in our programs for kids about Depression which may be helpful to you. It’s easy to download. Just CLICK HERE.
- Have you tried journaling as an outlet for some of your stress? You can use this as a place to express your problems as well as your ideas. This may be a helpful place to start writing some of those ideas about the hospital suggested above.
- Have you read other stories on the TeenCentral site about depression or self-harm? As I was reading about your desire to connect with other teens I was thinking you may find other writers here who have very similar experiences and could help you feel less ISOLATED. Maybe you don’t have to back to the hospital to connect with others.
