Hi. I was in KidsPeace hospital for 98 days and 97 nights. After that, I was in a Residential Facility for 8 months. This was in 2015. I’ve been out of treatment and at home for almost 3 years. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about my journey and how hard I’ve worked to become the person I am today. I am trying my best to be a good person and not go back to the awful place I was, but it seems like every time I’m in a good mood or I’m having a good day, I get reminded of the fact that I’m a failure. No one seems to understand that I’m trying my best. I don’t even know the last time that someone told me they were proud of me or the last time I felt like a part of my family. Every day I feel worse and worse.
CONSIDER THIS:
- You have been through a lot– more than most people. It’s remarkable that you were able to recover and move out of psychiatric supervision. Walking away from what you’ve been through is hard, so every day is a victory. You are still here, so you are not a failure.
- Sometimes, the biggest challenges you face do not come from the world, but from within yourself. Perception and outlook can change our reality. When you’re dealing with internal struggles, it can make everything around you seem hard and turn everything sour. In this case, maybe it’s causing you to see yourself as a failure or like you’re not a part of your family when that’s not the truth. Take a step back and ask yourself “Do I think this because there’s evidence from reality that gives me reason to think/feel this way, or is it because I’m perceiving things as more negative than they are?” Another way to give yourself a small reality check is to ask someone else “I think this is happening and it makes me feel this way, how would you feel if you were in my shoes?”
- Internal struggles can be extremely isolating. You are living an experience that can be very different from the people around you. It can be hard to relate to others. Furthermore, sometimes when you feel low, you can develop a tendency to distance yourself from loved ones. This can make the isolation even worse! This may be one of the reasons why you feel separate from your family. To help fix this, communication is key. People may not know you feel isolated unless you tell them. If you let your family know how you feel and that you feel like they judge or even ignore you, they can help take steps to make sure they include you more and show you the love you need.
- Like you said, you are trying your best. It’s important to note that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some struggles are just so big that you need the help of others. You are not a failure if you seek help– EVERYONE needs love and support. In fact, you’re strong if you are brave enough to ask for the help you need to get better. Remember that you are not alone in your struggles– you have family to help you when you need it! Again, talk to those around you. It may help you relieve some of the pressure you feel and your loved ones can help you decide if you need to find other forms of help.
- In the end, the goal is to make you feel better, not to have you live a life where you suffer through your struggles alone without fixing anything. This may include a lot of reaching out to those around you as well as a lot of internal reflection. If there’s something that bothers you in your life, voice your concerns about it. Whoever listens can give you their perspective and may even be able to help you fix things. Even if there is no perfect solution, just venting can help you release your stress over the problem.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Why do you feel like a failure?
- You’ve come a very long way– what ways are you not a failure?
- Why do you think others see you as a failure? Could it be that you’re projecting your own feelings about yourself upon them?
- Why do you feel like you’re not a part of your family?
- Could you be isolating yourself? Why or why not?
- How can you make yourself closer to your family?
