I think my college roommate doesn’t like me. I’m a 4th year cross country runner. My old roommate went to study abroad this semester, and I got a Freshman roommate this year who also runs. We don’t talk much ever. She’s said rude things since day one, but most of them are very subtle. It’s odd, because I expected a Freshman to act differently. I didn’t really expect a best friend, but she doesn’t sleep in our room, but with another friend on the team. She ignores me, and often says things like, “what did she say?” when I talk while not waiting for a response or talking over me when I do try to respond. I’m a fast runner, but I’ve been injured. I’m just coming back, and I think it’s much worse than before at this point. She’s blatantly ignoring me constantly. I’m in charge of activities like stretching and she always does different stretches than what I say. She comes to the room and moves things out, and I’m not sure how to respond. She seems overall pretty cool, but she doesn’t seem to like me at all, although she’s relatively subtle, I’m pretty sure of that. Admittedly, she does have issues with our coach. She constantly jokes about wanting to beat him up. Another Freshman and she have quite a few problems. Though, outside of the team, she seems like just a normal, funny girl. Yesterday, the freshman on the team that gets upset by her all the time said she felt bad for me for having such a terrible roommate. I told her I don’t have any problem with my roommate, and she said my roommate doesn’t even live with me. I joked that I barely live here anyways because I’m always working or with my boyfriend. I’ve thought about that statement quite a bit now. I’m a bit younger than my roommate as I skipped three grades in school and she’s behind one, so maybe that’s where the discord is, though there’s also quite a bit of drama with cross country. She hates coach. Although I don’t agree with his methods (he’s a bit of a bully at times), I don’t challenge him. An issue might be how I’m coming off injury as well. I’ve heard her make comments about how she runs through pain or injury, but it’s been pretty bad from day one in this feeling of things not going so well. I try to just ignore it, but it definitely stresses me out. Cross country has been a huge source of pain this year. I was injured, coach has been seriously upset, my roommate doesn’t like me, and there’s seems to be so much drama within the team otherwise as well. I want to know firstly how to respond to her. I occasionally ask her if she wants food since I love to cook, but otherwise I’ve been quiet and removed with interactions with her. A couple days ago I just went to the gym and started crying, I’ve been picking dumb fights with my boyfriend, and sometimes just going over to his place to get away, Plus, I’ve been getting migraines. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been finding it hard to focus this year. Although I’m still doing well, I feel constantly like I’m getting lucky, and I’m generally a very focused student I’m wondering how to deal with the stress so it doesn’t affect other areas of my life. College has been a great time for me, but this last year has been a struggle. Thanks for listening to this long thesis.
CONSIDER THIS
- College is a hard transitional time for many people including freshman when they leave their high school of four years and enter into a big new college can be intimidating for some people. Some people don’t adjust with change well so they lash out at people to make themselves feel better.
- If you have already tried to befriend this girl and she has been rude and not willing to talk it is okay. You can not control other people or how they are going to do things. You can control you. If you feel uncomfortable you can always ask for your roommate to be reassigned to another room. You can also just have your own space since she is not there anyway it is like having your own room.
- Being kind to yourself and others is key so be kind and gentle to yourself. Taking time to care for yourself is a good thing after an injury. If you run through the pain or injury you can make it worse. There is no need to please others so they hopefully might like you. You are unique and beautiful the way you are. You don’t need to get outside approval for this. This girl may be feeling intimidated, but that is nothing you can fix. She has to do that herself. Be you and be proud of your accomplishments.
- If you are feeling stress, take some time to do things you like to do. You should enjoy your time now. Maybe you could spend time with your boyfriend and do something you both like doing like go to a movie, go for a walk outside, read, or write how you feel to help you process your feelings.
- You can also talk with a trusted friend or adult about your feelings and see if you can find some different perspective on the situation to help you process.
HELP YOURSELF
- What are some things that you can to help you feel comfortable and less stressed in your space?
- What are some things that you can do to be kind and gentle with yourself right now?
- What are some things that you can do to help yourself have fun and relax?
- What would happen if you talked with a trusted friend or adult about your feelings and find solutions?
- How would you advise your closest friend if they came to you with this situation?
