I am going to rant. I’ve been in and out of psych hospitals this past year. I go to a small school so everybody knows everything about everyone. And while the people in my class seem supporting and understanding, and exited to see me, I somehow can’t make friends. With any of them. I get along with them, but can’t talk to them one on one or invite them over. I don’t know sometimes it feels like I have no one. Because no one wants me because I go to a religious school and I’m a lesbian, and have ptsd, severe depression and anxiety, a history of self harm, bullying, abuse and suicide attempts… no one wants me. I feel like when the girls in my class ask how I’ve been, it’s out of pity. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore- I don’t know how to live anymore. I’m not saying I want to die, but I’m saying that I don’t know how to do anything normal or right because of all my problems- all of my “cognitive distortions” I feel so out of touch with life, I feel . How I feel is not a word. I don’t even know. It’s just that white space. I don’t even know. I’m not even allowed to talk about my sexuality or mental health at my school because they are overprotective of their students and don’t want me to be a ‘bad influence’. It makes me so mad, like they can’t control me like that, isn’t it illegal??? I’ve gotten almost expelled because the school found out I’m a lesbian and also was in the ER from a suicide attempt, like no one understands. The girls in my class see me as a lesbian psychotic alien. And that’s what I feel like. A ripped t shirt that they only want to keep because they feel bad throwing it out. I don’t know anything anymore. Oh and on top of that all, my girlfriend committed suicide a couple months ago.
HELP YOURSELF NOW:
- Thank you for sharing your story with our TC community. You are not alone. We hear that you are feeling alone right now, feeling out of touch, and like something only kept out of guilt. We are sorry you are going through this right now, but talking about it and seeking assistance and resources is a great first step!
- If you are feeling unsafe or if you need to talk to a person: Text “HELLO” to 741741 or check out www.crisistextline.org this is also a GREAT resource for the LGBTQ community: The Trevor Project | For Young LGBTQ Lives and lastly, here is more information on specifically lgbtq issues on the suicide prevention website: LGBTQ+ : Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
- We hear you when you say that you cannot discuss much of these topics at school openly right now, but consider do you have a helpful and supportive adult in your life otherwise? Perhaps a therapist, doctor/pediatrician, coach, religious leader, parent of one of your friends, or family friend that you could turn to for help?
MAYBE LATER:
- We have some information on suicide, depression, and lgbtq on our website. Check out our LEARN tab and our TOOLS tab for more information.
- This website offers reputable information on what you can do when you are feeling lonely: 17 Easy Things To Do When You’re Feeling Lonely | Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neuroscience | The University of Chicago (uchicago.edu)
- Here is a cool website with some free printables as well as a booklet you can download on coping skills for teens: Coping Skills For Teens (squarespace.com)
- Lastly, surround yourself with the circumstances which will encourage positive outcomes: What we mean is positive people, places, things, experiences, activities, and mindsets. You have to figure out what works for you. Perhaps practicing mindfulness (there are a few great videos on Netflix by the company Headspace that can give you ideas for this – also they have many videos on YouTube). Perhaps it is finding a favorite, peaceful place in nature, petting a favorite pet, or finding one person in your life who makes you laugh and spending some time with them.
- Keep a journal, create some art, and try to manifest as much positive energy as you can. Again, you are not alone in your experience. You may not feel it right now, but many people feel the things you feel and your story is just as important.
