I am 17. I live with borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, multiple forms of self-harm, major depressive disorder, severe anxiety and possibly bipolar disorder.
I’m actually pretty normal until you get to know me. I enjoy photography, playing the piano, listening to music and do a lot of writing.
But I’m not normal.
I can’t keep a friend for the life of me. It doesn’t help that I’ve tried to kill myself twice and have scars covering every mili-inch of my arm from wrist to shoulder and also from my hip to my knee.
I’m kind of just screwed up.
My family doesn’t like me. We haven’t gotten along for a very, very long time.
I’m insanely random and I will talk about whatever. It’s just a cover-up anyway.
People have sent me to more counselors and hospitals and organizations than I could count. Residential, inpatient (multiple times), outpatient, intensive, regular counseling… it’s a mess. I’m done with it.
I’m still learning how to cope. I don’t know what’s happening. Hopefully, it’ll change one day.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Being different may make you feel alone and unloved. You are brave for admitting the depth of your issues and for seeking appropriate help.
- Many artistic people such as yourself are misunderstood. Learn to understand yourself and your feelings. Maybe you just want people to like you as yourself so this makes you become negative when they don’t. There are others like you. Find people who think like you so you don’t feel so alone in the world.
- Try volunteering. This will most likely put you in a positive mindset. Some great organizations are The Humane Society of the United States, American Red Cross and Reading is Fundamental. You can volunteer alone or even in a group. You could find new friends but if you don’t, that’s okay too. Do research on any organization you may like.
- Embrace yourself as an individual. Most people join the crowd and don’t notice how foolish they may look by following others. Don’t change. Instead, be positive and let your inner strength shine through your individuality.
- Many times teenagers experience life at a depth others don’t because they are trying to mature since they will be adults soon. Take on responsibilities so you learn to take care of yourself. You could do chores at home or even get a pet or a job. A pet will love you unconditionally.
- Become more spiritual. Learn meditation, yoga or prayer. Spend time in nature and learn to see real beauty in the world. Make an honest effort to gain a new understanding of your life. Spirituality is known to bring meaning to a person’s life when they need it the most.
- Be positive. Things will change one day if you let them. All bad situations pass as long as you let yourself move on from them. Only you can decide this, no one can force you.
- Try to gain meaning and find a real purpose. Search for this and ask a trusted adult like a youth pastor or spiritual counselor for guidance through your tough time.
- Since you aren’t able to keep friends, maybe it’s difficult for you to commit to things. Find something to really commit to. This may be work, school activities or taking care of a pet.
- Eat healthy, exercise and commit to a positive mindset. This should improve your disorders if not cure them. Also, some people respond differently from different forms of treatment. Do research on areas like chiropractors or homeopathy, for example. Sometimes the foods you consume may affect you because they may contain chemicals. For this reason, some people choose to eat all natural and organic foods.
- Learn to love yourself genuinely and don’t be afraid to be yourself. You’ll attract the right people to you who care about you as yourself.
- There’s always a way to view things from another perspective. Think things through and use logic and reason to get you through it. Being too artistic can make you dream too much and have imbalanced emotions. Maybe you’re not realistic enough. Don’t be afraid of reality but don’t lose your artsy side either.
- Don’t let your disorders stop you from seeing that you deserve a good life free from negativity. Ask for this and allow yourself to believe in a higher power. No matter what don’t lose sight of how truly important your life is.
- There are many negative people out there with issues like you, including authority figures. Continue to try finding one you can trust like a good psychologist or counselor.
- Sharpen your artistic skills. By doing this you will be able to enter competitions. Maybe you could join an orchestra in the future or do piano performances. These are skills many people want.
- Learn to be grateful for your life. Write down how thankful you are in a journal and draw or paint inspiring pictures in it. Ask yourself why you feel so down. This may lead you to a more positive path in life.
- You seem to lack a responsible adult in your life. Find someone you respect to look up to. Consider getting a mentor or envision a positive role model. There are good people out there who you can relate to. Accept that some people are negative and at least you are seeking help. They can’t even do that much. Focus on changing your life since you are given the chance to just by caring this much about yourself.
HELP YOURSELF:
- How would your friends and family really feel if you were to be gone from this world?
- Isn’t your life worth more than using it to harm yourself?
- In what ways could you benefit from using your time more wisely?
