| Stuck in between! My family is toxic, but I love them so much it’s confusing but gonna move out soon :3 it sucks because my mom wants me to tell her everything and I do kinda but she tells my personal stuff out to other and it hurts so I stopped. Every time I cry and get stressed out about something my mom yells saying your not stressed out over bills or anything so stop, you’re a kid, act like a kid. How can I act like a kid if your putting big adult responsibilities on me? I take care of my lil sis and older brothers, I cook and clean never can get a break. It sucks because I’ve been living like this since I was 8 I’m 16 now didn’t really get a childhood can barely go outside without her questioning me. She goes through my phone and room to see if I’m hiding anything. She brings up old stuff from the past that I don’t wanna even think about or talk about. I love her, I just don’t know anymore. I’m a junior in high school and can’t wait to go to college, coming from a low income household I was thinking community college then transferring to a nearby university, but I don’t want to live with my mother during me going to community, also my oldest brother is pushing me to go to the same university but really all I think about is the reality and I don’t wanna be in debt. If I had the money yes, I would definitely go, but for me I wanna do my generals somewhere else and transfer. its. just. alot. I wanna move but have no money to get away due to my mother not letting me get an job. I just want an break at this point I’m stuck in between and stressed.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Thank you for writing in to TeenCentral, we appreciate you taking the time to share with our community.
- It sounds like you are going through some growing pains in deciding where to go to college and how to talk to your mother about your feelings (such as college, stress, and her not sharing your personal information).
- From what you wrote above though, you are stating that “everytime I cry and get stressed out about something my mom yells…” That sounds as if you are stressed about something other than your mother. Do you have any positive outlets in your life? Do you have a trusted adult you can speak to? Perhaps you could talk to them or they could help you have that talk with your mother. But come prepared to talk to your mother about your feelings and facts, you can write a letter or make a list of pros/cons to help with compromise.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Consider what you can control in your circumstances. There is nothing wrong with a parent having their children do chores around the home. Research suggests that having children perform tasks helps with self-esteem, delayed gratification, organization, and coping with frustration. All skills which will help you when you want to go to college. Plus, it is helpful and kind to contribute, and you sound like a kind person. Also, if you want to break from the family while going to college, it would not be reasonable to ask them for financial support. Therefore, you should be talking to guidance counselors now about applying to colleges, getting financial aid, and discussing work study programs. College is expensive, but the rewards can be great.
- In the mean time, since you stated you cannot work at this moment, find some other outlets to help you cope with your frustration and also build your support system. Talk to your mom about if you are able to do volunteer work or join a local club/activity/sport. Take walks, ride a bike, if you have a dog-walk him. You stated you have siblings, take them to the park. You can also look on our TOOLS tab for more ideas like art, yoga, and journaling. Best of luck.
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