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So I just realized that I am bisexual. I’m not out to anyone but my cousin. It may not be that big of news but from a homophobic family it’s hard. My parents say things like trans and gays don’t deserve rights and it hurts me. One day I started scratching my arm until the point it went red. Idk how to explain it but it felt bad and good at the same time. I don’t know if this is considered self-harm but I knew it wasn’t right. So I told my cousin about me being bi and she accepted me. I haven’t scratched since and I’m grateful for that. I remember having thoughts like “I wish I was dead”. I don’t anymore, but the pain is not totally gone. I’ve written MANY times before. And by saying this you probably remember me. After the loss of my grandad and feeling like I should have said goodbye it’s been hard. Also if I get angry, I feel the urge to RIP something or BREAK or SMASH. I NEVER used to feel like this. I also just realized something. I used to be obsessed with this show called the Legend of Korra (I think that’s the name). Little did I know the main character is lesbian 😂. It’s also VERY much like my new show obsession, she-ra, whose lead is bisexual. Idk I guess this proves I was born into my sexuality. Why did God make us different? And why did he make it so some of us aren’t accepted? Until I figure that out I will never understand religion. I have it in my head that 2020 is the end of the world. And I think that’s my brain telling me I won’t make it to 2021. Idk. I’m a crazy psychological person. I literally cry wishing I lived in a magical world where we are all happy. I’m convinced I need a therapist. Also, is scratching self- harm?

Help Yourself

• It seems as though you have a million thoughts running through your mind right now. That must feel very overwhelming. We’re glad that Teen Central is a safe place for you to continue seek help and information about your concerns.
• If you haven’t already, please make sure you have the helpline information either entered in your phone or written somewhere you can easily find it if you need it. They’re in the HELP tab of Teen Central, 1-800-273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741. Someone is there 24/7 that you can talk to in case you feel alone, hopeless or unsafe.
• To answer your question, it sounds like the way you were scratching yourself was a form of self-harm. Good for you for recognizing this. You also discovered one really good way to deal with the pain leading you to scratch – you talked to your cousin. You can learn more about self-injury (also called self-harm) on Teen Central’s LEARN tab.
• There is a National Hotline that is available to talk with people under the age of 25 about some of the thoughts and concerns that you have. Here is the information, which is also listed on the HELP tab on Teen Central:
  • Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender National Help Center
    Monday-Friday 1pm to 9pm / Saturday 9am-2pm (pacific time)
    Monday-Friday 4pm to 12am / Saturday 12pm-5pm (eastern time)
  • Support for LGBT youth
    Youth Talkline: 1800-246-PRIDE (7743)
    http://www.glbthotline.org/youth-talkline.html
• It’s ok for you to speak up for yourself and let your parents know you would like to see a therapist. If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, try writing it out first, or practice the conversation with your cousin and see what they think. In the U.S. there are agencies in every county that can help you and your family find a therapist for you. If your parents have insurance, the insurance company can help your family find someone too.

Consider This

• Remember that journaling, drawing, poetry and other creative outlets are great ways to find a private, non-judgmental space to place your thoughts when you need to get them out of your head. It also gives you a place to reflect.
• This is a very emotional time. There are many external issues going on as well as those that you’re feeling inside. It’s totally normal to feel anxiety and anger during stressful times. Besides being creative, have you thought about using some sources of relaxation? The Learn tab on Teen Central has some great ideas such as yoga, exercise, etc. that you could try in order to get some of the excess energy out that you’re keeping inside. And back in March, on the WHAT’S NEW tab, we posted some information about deep breathing that you could check out.
• KEEP TALKING! It sounds like your cousin is supportive and someone you can talk to. Consider if there’s anyone else that you can also bring into your circle of trust – a neighbor, a trusted adult in the community, a spiritual leader, or a therapist. Having a healthy support system is an important part of getting through difficult times.