I just recently lost my best friend to suicide, and I’m having a really hard time accepting the fact that she’s gone. And I don’t want to do anything. I’m in such a dark hole and I can’t find the light. Some days I want to give up, but I know that’s not the right thing to do. I’m at a loss of words of what to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to get over it, but I can’t. We were each other’s everything. We were together every day. Not only am I in pain from losing her, but the void of not being with her every day is killing me. I fight demons in my head every day. I blame myself every day for not being able to do more. I can’t stop crying. I don’t want to let go that she’s not here anymore. I don’t want to do anything because I did everything with her. I don’t want to eat, drink, I can’t sleep and I won’t sleep because I have visions of her. I hear her calling my name at night. I have panic attacks all night long. I’m mentally exhausted. And I just don’t know what to do anymore.
HELP YOURSELF
- Losing somebody close to you, especially a best friend, is an incredibly painful experience. From reading your story, it is obvious how much she meant to you. During this difficult time, thank you for opening up to the TeenCentral community and being so honest about how you are feeling.
- It sounds like you are experiencing many powerful emotions right now as a result of the loss of your best friend. Please know that there is no correct way to feel during this time and each person’s experience with grief is going to be different. On the “Learn” tab, there is an entire section on “Grief and Loss” that may offer you some more insights and a bit of comfort during these tough times.
- As much as you cared for your best friend, please remember to also take care of yourself during this challenging time. If you ever need some immediate support regardless of the time of day, you can always contact the Crisis Textline by sending “HELLO” to 741741. If you ever reach a point where you are thinking of doing something unsafe, please know that you can also get help by calling the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. This is an extremely tough time, but you do not need to face it alone!
- You probably are used to turning to your best friend for support, but are there any other people in your life that may be able to help you right now? Perhaps you have a parent, a relative, or another trusted adult who could be there to listen to how you are feeling. As you stated, it can be exhausting to manage such strong feelings, so please do not feel that you need to do it all by yourself!
CONSIDER THIS
- Losing someone to suicide is often unexpected and can jolt us into a situation for which we feel unprepared. It can be even more overwhelming since we are left to confront this new world without the support of our loved one. If you find yourself wishing you could talk with your best friend, why don’t you try writing to them instead? This exercise will give you an opportunity to express yourself, especially if there is anything that you wish you could have said before she was gone.
- When we are grieving, it is often helpful to find a creative way to honor the person that we lost. Perhaps you could make a collage or photo album capturing all of the great memories that you shared with your best friend? Some people would rather express themselves through writing a poem or some song lyrics. This artistic project should be enjoyable and allow you to focus on remembering how much your friendship meant to you.
- Were there any hobbies that you liked doing with your friend? Although it may be painful to do those things without her, I would still encourage you to try to engage in those activities for YOUR sake. Even during your toughest moments, you cannot forget to make time to care for yourself. While doing this activity, it’s possible you may end up thinking about your friend, but at least you will never forget all of the fun you had together!
