When I was ten my elder brother who is two years older than me started molesting me. He would do it when I was asleep. At that time I didn’t know what was happening. He kept doing it till I was 15. He never raped me as he never got a chance to do it. I never told my parents about it until two years back and their reaction toward me was hurtful. They said that I should forget about it. Also, I live in the same house as my brother does. Now he does not molest me or anything, but it hurts to see him every day. I live in India, and my parents are Muslim. My brother does not respect me and I can feel it in his attitude towards me. I can not move out right now as it is not easy to get a job in India and live alone. I just do not want to see him in my house every day. I burn every day. I want him out but can’t seem to find a solution. I want to ask, if I have to live in this house, how should I behave so that he understands that I hate him and don’t want to see him. Thanks.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Receiving horrible treatment from your own family members can make you feel violated and angry. You are strong for persevering and trying to tolerate your family through this extreme abuse.
- No matter what anyone says to you, your brother committed a serious crime against you. If you feel like he may molest you again, rape you or seriously hurt you in any way you need to do everything in your power to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
- You can head to the Teen Central website and click the Help tab to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline if you need someone to talk to. If necessary, call the police or someone close to you like a friend or family member to help you.
- Become as independent as possible and live by the law completely so nobody has a right to go against you.
- Research online jobs you can do from home on the computer or at the library. There are some out there that don’t require a degree that are simple to learn. Some of these include a virtual assistant, data entry and content writing, to name a few.
- Try to find a friend or family member to live with who you can trust. If not, maybe there is a shelter that takes homeless people that will help you get a job and become more independent.
- In order to avoid him stay away from him as much as possible and focus on other things. He might want your attention because he has no life so talk to him as little as possible, don’t look him in the eyes and be careful not to give him any indication with your body language that you want to interact with him. Actions speak louder than words so show how you feel by using your actions.
- Go places as often as you can. Walk, ride a bike, go by bus or catch a ride with someone you can trust if necessary. He may use it to his advantage that you’re around him to bully you.
- To focus better on other things you can try meditation or yoga. You may show without meaning to that you notice him. If you don’t notice him, maybe he’ll get bored of bothering you and stop or do it less.
- Activities to help you focus include drawing, painting or listening to music. Creative expression is like therapy that helps people express their feelings in a positive way.
- Be positive and realistic and realize that you’re a strong person. You don’t need to fear him so don’t show it or he may use it to control you.
- You may try becoming more spiritual. On the Teen Central website, click the Learn tab then Spirituality to learn more. In spirituality, some believe that everything happens for a reason. This may be a life lesson you need to learn on how to be more independent, gain self-love or something else important to you.
- Learn as much as possible about your situation. The more you know about something the more you can do about it.
- Continue to persevere and never give up. You deserve a real life with people who genuinely care about you.
- If needed, consider speaking to a trusted therapist about your serious family issues. This is important because they could haunt you and affect you later in life in ways you might not even notice.
- Learn women’s self-defense or martial arts so you’ll be better prepared to defend yourself if someone tries to hurt you again. There may be some free classes online or in your area.
- Practice keeping healthy boundaries. Even if you don’t mean to, you may give the impression that it’s okay to cross you. Think about how you’re perceived by others.
- You can also try doing volunteer activities online or in your area if opportunities exist. This may give your life purpose, meaning and make you feel more positive.
- You can keep a journal to let your feelings out.
- Understand that it is never okay for someone to molest a child. Learn to love and respect yourself more. You deserve it.
HELP YOURSELF:
- How can you become more responsible and work towards a real future for yourself?
- In what ways can you commit to making an honest effort to make sure remain smart in your actions?
- How could your situation help you improve yourself as a person and affect your future in a positive way?
- What lessons could you possibly learn from the bad things your family did to you?
- In what ways can you commit to self-improvement so you don’t follow in your family’s negative footsteps?
- Can you think of any other ways to stay safe from those who wish you harm?
- Can you think of anyone to inspire you to be a good person every day, like a mentor, teacher or celebrity you admire?
