Hi, right now I am going through sort of a tough time. I just got this new girlfriend about a week and a half ago. She is great. So far, we have been having a good time. But see, I think she wants to move faster than I do. See, she really hates her parents. And even though I haven’t met them, I know they are jerks too. I think that she is feeling that she hasn’t got that much love from them so she is feeling insecure. I think she believes she has missed out on a lot of love from them and is looking for it from me. I, being a Christian, am waiting to have sex until I am married. She tells me she loves me and I feel that I have to say it back to her because if I don’t, she is going to feel even more lost than she does now. A year or two ago, she was thinking about suicide and her best friend stopped her from that. Now that I know she “loves” me, I feel that if I do something to upset her, she might go back to the way she was. And one way I think I could upset her is by not giving her what she wants, which is sex I am pretty sure. I just need to find out what’s going on in her mind and if there is anything I can do to help. But I don’t want to help if giving my virginity is the only way. Please, if you have any advice, please send it on over! Thank you for your time.
CONSIDER THIS:
- It is very admirable that you are so caring and concerned about your girlfriend’s well-being! Your worries are understandable because at times, it feels like you have to choose between your values and your loved ones. However, it does not have to be be this black-and-white and you do not have to choose between one or the other.
- Your beliefs and your commitment to them make up who you are. If you turn against them just to make your situation better, you are not only letting yourself down but also letting down your girlfriend who is with you because of who you are. Therefore, you are very right in committing to your belief because the love that your girlfriend needs cannot be obtained just from a physical relationship.
- Although it is very honorable that you want her to be happy, your actions and words cannot single-handedly give that to her if you do not mean what you say or do. Consider having a completely honest and open conversation with her about your concerns. Consider asking her what you can do, besides sex, that will show her that you deeply care for her.
- If you feel that the best thing to do now is to take a step back and let the relationship move slowly, let your girlfriend know this right away. The best thing that you can give to her now is your honesty!
HELP YOURSELF:
- What can you say to your girlfriend that will help her understand that not wanting sex does not mean that you do not care for her?
- What can you do or say that will show your true feelings and your affection for her?
- What are the benefits of talking to a friend or family member about your concerns?
- If you decide to lose your virginity for her, how do you think your situation will change? Do you think it will change at all?
