my mom uses me as a therapist and I have to listen to her for hours where she talks about everything worrying her, even though I don’t want to know. when I try to talk about something bothering me she just tells me to deal with it myself. our relationship is not stable, she is physically abusive and has threatened to kill me during fights. after an argument, she will not talk to me or give me food for the day, but the next day she acts normal as nothing happened between us.
HELP YOURSELF
- Thank you so much with sharing this with TEEN CENTRAL. I cant imagine what it must feel like during these moments with your mother. Many of our writers deal with various types of family conflict. You are definitely not alone in this situation.
- It is never good to use violence as an answer . It sounds like there is a lot going on in your home that makes you feel really uncomfortable and unheard. One of the most important things is finding someone that you feel as though you can talk to . This can be anyone a teacher, a relative , or even asking to see your own therapist so that you can get out what is going on and how you yourself are feeling. Another really great thing about therapy is that they can bring in mom to , so she might be able to get her own resources, and the two of you can discuss some of these things in a structured and safe place.
- It sounds like some of the things that are going on in your home are also reportable . If you are not feeling safe and you are feeling as though you are being neglected within this times of fighting one of the most important things is to make sure that YOU are safe. One way to do this is to contact CHILDINE . The number is 1-800-932-0313 and they can be reached from 8-5 daily and the best part is that they are anonymous . Another hotline that can be used is the CRISIS HOTLINE which is a simple HELLO text to 741741.
- I highly recommend that you review this What’s New blog on how to help yourself if you feel you’re being abused in your home. Many youth feel trapped in their situations with no one to help them. This blog will provide steps for you to follow.
CONSIDER THIS
- We here at TEEN CENTRAL are about making sure that you are taking the right steps to KEEP YOU SAFE as it goes without saying that YOU ARE IMPORTANT . Making sure that you are involving another adult in what is going on, and maybe creating a safe place for you to go if this starts to happen. This can be anywhere from your bedroom to a tight space like a closet. This allows for you to calm down as well.
- One of the number one things that we do when we are being misunderstood is we lash out. Ask yourself this, “do you find that you also spur the argument when becoming defensive”? I happen to love the idea of the 10 / 10 . This allows for expression for both people in a safe and calm way. The way that it works is that you will express yourself using I statements ( example : I feel like ______ because ______) . If this doesn’t seem to be working and people are becoming upset take a 10/10 . This is 10 minutes in a safe space that you have distinguished. You can even set a timer. When the timer is up then you try again. This allows for people to not say or react in ways that are going to hurt the other person ( something we all do when we are feeling upset and defensive) .
