My mother has been hitting me since I was old enough to talk. As the years went on, the abuse gradually progressed into physical fighting. Not once did I ever hit her back. After she would hit me I would usually try to run into the bathroom and hide while locking the door, but sometimes she would catch up to me and hit me in the bathroom. there was one time when she hit my head against the bathtub wall while being so angry at me. Recently, while having a dispute, she grabbed my hair and punched me. She then sat on top of me while grabbing my arms. I kept yelling “let go of me!”, but she looked at me with a blank expression that still haunts me. After she sat on top of me she put her knee on my stomach and shifted her forearm onto my neck so that I couldn’t breathe. I was fighting for my breath as I yelled “I can’t breath, I can’t breath” but she wouldn’t stop. She just kept looking straight into my eyes as spit was starting to come up from my throat. My phone was sitting on the bed while this was all happening and I tried to reach for it to call for help. She wouldn’t let me and continued to have her knee on my stomach. She also continued to pull my hair over and over or hit me. Every time I tried to get free from her and kick her off of me she would say “Since you want to fight like a real woman lets fight. I’ll fight you like you’re not my daughter”. Keep in mind that I am 16 years old. When I finally broke free from her grasp I ran to the living room to look for the house phone. My brother was just standing on the wall watching this all happen. I kept yelling that I was going to call 911 and she said “go ahead I don’t care! Let them pick you up”. I took the house phone and dialed 911 and started crying but I couldn’t form the words because I was hysterical. Then all these other thoughts started to flow into my mind as the operator kept waiting for my response. I wondered, “what will happen to me? Will I have to stay in foster care? what’s the family going to say about this?” Because I was too scared to say anything I hung up and went to the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door but she figured out how to unlock it from the outside and came into the bathroom. I crouched down and covered my head and just started shouting “Leave me alone, please!” I was just so out of breath and felt like giving up. At the time I really felt like she was going to kill me. She then told me “Get out of the house, I’m not going to touch you”. I ran out of the bathroom and stood in the living room too scared to go out at 9:00 at night. She yelled at me to get out of the house and go somewhere again, so I did. I slammed the door and started crying and walking aimlessly. She locked the door, and that was the last I heard from her that night. I started walking towards my uncle’s house, about a 20 minute walk, hoping to not get called out or grabbed by anyone. I was wearing a t-shirt, a pair of shorts and crocs, so naturally that scared me even more. I almost made it to his house when my mother pulled up beside me and said “the cops are at the house, you better get in the car before they make an amber alert for you”. I didn’t even glance her way because I was so mad. I ignored her and just kept walking towards my uncle’s house. She made a u-turn and went back in the direction of our house. I didn’t know what time it was, but it was pitch black when I turned the corner to my uncle’s house. All of a sudden, I started to hear someone running after me, and when I turned around, it was my mother and my little brother. They kept yelling my name and chasing me. When she was behind me she yelled, “the cops are gonna come pick you up” and when I didn’t respond she said “you know what [my brother’s name] lets go, we can have the cops come get her”. They left me alone and I went to my uncle’s house. Thankfully he was there and he let me in reluctantly. I went to the room and turned off the lights while sitting in the corner, hugging my knees. At the time, I felt like dying so much. I just felt like my life was over and there was nothing left to fight for. As I was deep into thought. My mother showed up and started asking for me. I locked the door and felt my body start to shake. The walls in the house were pretty thin so I could hear what they were talking about and this is what I remember my mom saying. “That little girl called the cops on me! I disciplined her and she called the cops after running away. The cops were just standing outside and I told them what happened and they said ‘oh just a girl full of hormones running away, haha.” They wanted to call an amber alert on her, but I said no let her catch some air. Shoot my body hurts from beating her.” Then they started to laugh at the incident. I remember thinking (even though this was two days ago, ‘my life really is a joke’. She started to look for me and the house and my uncle unlocked the door so she could come in. She went on this whole speech on to never run away again (even though she kicked me out) and to never call the police on her (even though she kept egging me on saying “call them call them”. One thing I specifically remember from her speech was her saying “you kept saying you can’t breathe? Well next time I’ll make sure you really can’t breathe. I brought you in this world, and I can take you out of it too.” I was in total shock but didn’t look up to see her face. All I felt was hatred at that moment. She then left and took my brother while I slept at my uncle’s. She blamed everything on me, but keep in mind that the whole thing started because me and my brother were having an argument. I understand that I was in the wrong for arguing with my brother, but I don’t feel like I did something that bad to where I would be chocked in my bedroom. She literally broke my bed frame and I only have mattresses. But this isn’t really the first time this has happened. She continues to beat me down and break/throw away my things, when in the end it turns out to be my fault and I have to apologize for her beating me saying it’s for my “own good”. I’m just a little tired of this, and I don’t know how long I can take it anymore.
IMMEDIATE ACTION
- First of all, we are SO GLAD you have reached out to TeenCentral to tell your story. It has taken so much bravery and courage to share such horrific treatment you have endured from your mother. If you have the opportunity to read other stories on this site you will sadly see that you are not alone in your struggle. You have come to the right place to be heard.
- We want to validate your concerns and tell you that this maltreatment from your mother as you have described it is indeed extreme and abusive. You deserve to receive help and support from authorities immediately. Because this site is anonymous and we can’t directly track your individual location, we will have to start with helping you with ways to get help for yourself. I know that calling 911 must have been really scary. The thoughts you had about what might happen to your family are completely legitimate. BUT this is also no way to live. You are in an unsafe situation and your life has been directly threatened. Something must be done – even if it’s scary. There is a short blog on this site I’d like you to read right away. It has to do with getting help for abuse – CLICK HERE to read the blog.
- Reaching out to another family member like your uncle was a good idea. If he is a safe person we encourage you to talk more with him about your situation and see if he can help and advise you. Are there others in your family like him who could help? Nothing beats a good in-person talk where you can really share your heart with someone. If not a family member maybe consider talking with a guidance counselor at school, teacher, coach or religious leader? It’s something to think about.
OTHER THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP
- Coping with this level of family abuse may have an impact on your mental health. We encourage you to look on the LEARN tab of TeenCentral to see if any conditions sound familiar to you like depression or anxiety. Also you may want to take a look at anger management. Everyone handles life stressors differently. You have to think about yourself and how this life situation is impacting you.
- Some of the TOOLS on this site are helpful for maintaining wellness and self care while you are surrounded by stress in your life. We’d recommend that you also visit that tab and download tools that are relevant to your life and things that interest you.
