My parents hide behind the church

Ever since I was younger my parents have always argued and fought. Sometimes my dad would even put his hands on my mom. My dad has left but always came back the same night. Every time I would see him walk out the door I’d cry for him wanting to come back. Fortunately for my younger self he did, he always came back. This continued to happen and eventually they separated and on weekdays I’d be with my mother and on weekends my father. I found myself being happier with my father since I had a friend there that I would always hang out with. While my parents were separated my mom became very religious. We didn’t go to church, but she would pray every day and every night. I saw no problem with this, and I would pray with her. She prayed for my father to come back every single night. There was a time I was at my father’s house and I found a bra under his bed. I was confused on whose it was. I was aware it wasn’t my mother’s since they live far away and my mom does not have her license. I asked my dad about it and he brushed it off, of course. What I didn’t know is that it affected my mom.

After about a year my parents did get back together and ever since then we went to church every Sunday. We weren’t so into it, just church every Sunday. I had no friends at church and was really quiet. I didn’t talk to anybody and was always on my own. My parents would get mad at me for that, but what did they expect- I have bad social anxiety. Every Sunday turns into every Friday for youth and kids and then it eventually turns into every Wednesday as well. I was there 3 times every week. I used to hang out with my cousin almost every weekend and now I’m not able to because I am always busy. My father and my mother, both, during all those times would call me curse words saying stuff like “you are so stupid” and “stupid kid”. They would constantly talk down to me and call me stupid, even ugly. They’d even put their hands on me.

After some time, this continues as I get older, so I tried committing suicide. I would also self-harm and when they found out they got mad and said that I’m doing it for attention. They said they are going to send me to a mental hospital because cutting my body doesn’t honor God. Every single feeling I try telling them they tell me I’m not allowed to have those feelings because that’s what it says in the Bible. I have no problem with any religion, but I was tired of hearing it. I would still continue to self-harm without them knowing and when I vented to them again, I still can’t have feelings. Eventually I attempted to tell them what they are doing to me because them beating me, cussing me out, commenting on my body or appearance, not being able to do anything but church constantly was tiring. They told me that everything they are doing is right and they said that it honors God.

This still goes on and I still have not gotten out of this household.  It is, in fact, worse but there are things I can’t share. The biggest thing I can share that happened recently, is I am not allowed to shower with the door locked or closed. Anyways, I am too young to run away or go on my own and I’m too scared to call anybody about it, but hopefully one day.

Help Yourself

• We’re really glad you reached out to share your story.  It must feel very disheartening to feel like your family doesn’t support you emotionally.
• Let us first compliment you on thinking through your situation with your options and understanding that choices like running away can be very dangerous for you.  So, let’s talk about what safe options you have.
• The number one focus should always be your safety first.  Everyone deserves to feel safe in their lives.  If anyone is causing you harm, please don’t be afraid to let someone know.  Law enforcement, another trusted adult, even a hotlines such as the ones below:

National Suicide Hotline
Available 24/7 – In order to reach the National Suicide Hotline you DIAL or TEXT 988 – or CHAT at 988lifeline.org.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

• Do you have anyone in your life that you can go to when things aren’t going well at home?  A different family member if that’s an option, a therapist, a teacher, a pastor?  I would recommend you talking to someone.  It’s always good to have someone to help protect and support you.
• You also have the right to feel comfortable.  Have you talked to your parents about the reason behind the open door while you’re showering?  If you don’t feel comfortable with this, please speak up about it.  You have the right to have your own boundaries that help you feel safe in your life.

Consider This

• On our website, there is a “Tools” tab that has an activity labeled “Keeping Yourself Safe”.  This may be a beneficial activity for you to help you take a look at your situation.  There’s also an activity labeled “Conflict Conversation Organizer”.   This is another option if you decide to sit down with your family and try again to have a discussion.
• Have you started a journal?  A journal is a great place to express all the feelings you have without any worry about judgment.  It’s a free space where you can be you.
• Do you enjoy exercise?  Going for a walk, jogging, yoga- can all be relaxing and are a great way to expend energy if you need to let some out safely.
• Remember- you are not alone.  There are a lot of people out there who are willing to help you- you just need to give them the chance.  You deserve to feel safe, and you are so worth it.