My friend’s bullying
I am at the 8th grade I have group of 5 friends but one of my friends I have never talked to her direct we were always talking with the group. My friends used to tell me about that girl that she bullies a lot of people and she s not a nice or a good friend but I just listen to them because I have never talked with her. We had a 2 weeks vacation so we decided to talk together a lot and facetime a lot. When we returned school we had an online site that has things to study on and classwork and homework but mine was closed because we have some problems at home and my parents didn’t pay the fees to open for me the site so I used to ask her politely to share her laptop to see together (we were sitting next to each other) she told me yes the first time but the second time she told me “no i am not going to put anything in the middle you can see from the screen” then we were talking altogether as a group then she said “her parent doesn’t want to pay her the fees (they see that i don’t deserve paying for me the school fees)” but then i didn’t answer her and i just told her that we send the receipt to the school and we are waiting for them to open the site (yes i lied).Then we were on a family diner and something happened with my boy cousin.
My problem with my cousin
Hey I am a 13 years old girl and I have a boy cousin same my age we are too close we have been together since we were born and till now. I think I have a little crush on him but I am not sure of my feeling and I also think that he has a crush on me (think not sure but he keeps flirting sometimes)
The problem is now we had a family dinner and we usually hit each other as joking (I know that wrong and my mom keeps telling me that but …) so we were joking as usual after I asked him to stop because mom shouted at me and told me to stop but he didn’t and kept hitting me. I left the room and went to my parents room and sat there alone but my dad came and told me to sit outside with my family cause it’s impolite to sit alone and leave them ,he also told me that if my cousin have done anything for me he will just talk to him or hit him (as a joke)
I went to sit outside (he was sitting there as well) and he tried to talk to me all the time but I just didn’t answer or ignored him or if I answered I answered badly. That had been happening for 2 weeks or something but I asked my mom she told me to talk normally with him because he’s just like your brother and u have been together since u were both born.
I just did as my mom told me and talked to him normally.
After we had a family gathering and at first me and my cousins sat at the same room (he wanted to sleep and I was doing my nails) but we decided to play truth or dare with random stupid questions then our other cousins joined and we started playing all together but we got bored so we decided to play other game which was someone was going to call his/her friend and keep him/her on speaker and be putting on their headphone on a high volume so they couldn’t hear what they were saying and just just talk normally with them.
My turn came and I decided to talk to a friend that knows what happened between my cousin and me (I first didn’t think of that but …) I kept talking to her (asking her what she was doing what she was eating asking her about her young brother etc..) but because I was stupid I asked her what did I say about my boy cousin that I talked to you about she said that I said that I hate him,he’s annoying,seeing himself and more but I was just laughing cause I wasn’t hearing what she said.
I have been seeing my cousin wanting to go talk to her and he was so aggressive but I didn’t know why after I saw what she was saying things I didn’t say like that I hate him and I swear I never said that, I felt bad and even saw my cousin being sad.I decided to go and tell him that I’ve never said that and she just likes to say extra information from her mind he said that it is okay, there is no problem and he’s not sad I still didn’t believe that.
After they went home I sent him a paragraph apologizing about what happened and that I never hated him I always love him and all the family . He just responded saying “YOU” “THERE IS NOTHING I SWEAR” “I HATE YOU MORE”
please tell me from ur point of view what do i do (my other girl cousin (his sister) was also with us and she kept telling me i don’t like your friend but she also helped me to apologize to my cousin and told me what do i tell him and how do i start a chat with him on whatsapp or a social media app what do i say how do i start
Is he still sad and if you were in his place what would you do and what should I do?
She almost destroyed my relationship with my cousin and i am still trying to find a way to return that friendship or relationship back
after i knew what my other friends were saying about her and we all decided that we must teach her a lesson but what we still don’t know
if someone has any ideas how to take my revenge back or what to do with my cousin please tell me
SORRY FOR WRITING TOO MUCH
HELP YOURSELF
- Thank you for writing into Teen Central and sharing your story with us. It sounds like there is some feelings of regret or guilt for what happened with your cousin are starting to stir up some feelings of anxiety.
- Friendships are tough, but it is important to feel as though you are not being BULLIED (hyperlinked for more information) by your friend. If you feel as though this is happening it might be good to talk to this person RATHER then using REVENGE. Revenge is never a good thing to use as a coping tool because honestly we often do things that we really regret. Natural consequences such as losing the friendship, or even getting into trouble with adults does not often correlate with what the person has or has not done. A good mature conversation with that person is often the way to go. Discussing the friendships and what you both want out of it allows for you to know where you stand but also if something was more of a misunderstanding.
- When thinking about relationships it is hard at times to understand two major things. One is that of perception (or how people understand information and what they believe is occurring), and the other is communication. It sounds like there was some miscommunication and that this has created some what of a family conflict. You are perceiving that your cousin is sad, but he might really just be ok and is telling you in his own way. By placing some of your own perceived thoughts and emotions into the situation you may ultimately be fueling some more anxiety as well. We have some great resources on our Teen Central website for ANXIETY which I have hyperlinked to this response . This might be a great way to educate yourself on what anxiety is and how you can slow it down.
- Lastly, I really like to hear that you talked to your mom about this. Talking to an adult or a support person such as a sibling, maybe your other cousin, your parents, teacher, or even religious supporter could really help you process what is going on, and how you are feeling.
CONSIDER THIS
- One thing to consider is how you are feeling. Like we had mentioned it appears as though there is some anxiety that is occurring due to the situation that occurred. Taking this time to process through information is a great way to work through how you are feeling. One way to do this is to journal. Journaling allows for us to process about what we are feeling, how we are going to respond to something, and what some possible outcomes might be. One thing that you can try is to list the ways that you would want to talk about how you are feeling and how your cousin could respond and go with the one that you feel most confident with.
- Another thing that you can try is to use some RELAXATION techniques. I have linked that within this response as well. From this you can learn how to calm yourself. When having a moment of anxiety or feeling overwhelmed it is important to know that it is a moment in time and not forever. Learning how to relax your body and mind can allow for us to think more rationally.
- Lastly, again think about how others are telling you how they are feeling. Because you think something is wrong does not always mean something is wrong. Maybe giving some space for a little and then coming back to talk about it might be a good way to work through how you both are feeling about this. Come back at the next family gathering with the intentions of being a good friend and see how he responds to you, maybe say you are sorry for what happened and the misunderstanding. Remember though that no one has the right to hit you, so removing yourself from the situation, letting an adult know, and having a reaction is all ok. Maybe remind him of this as well and start your friendship in a positive and honest way again.
