So recently (within the past two weeks) I’ve had three close friends each lose a grandparent. I know each of them were very close to their grandparent and it’s been rough for them. I have already sent each one a long personal message as soon as I found out to let them know I am sorry and I am there whenever they need me and want to talk as well as there to help them with anything, big or small. However I feel like that may not be enough. These are very close friends to me and they are all sad and not really excited to talk. I have been checking in with them every day asking how they’re doing and just encouraging them to keep strong and showing my support. My issue is that does it sound a bit too intrusive that every night I text each of them asking how they’re keeping up? As well, they all message me saying they’re balling their eyes out or they are extremely upset and not really coping and I’m never quite sure what I’m meant to reply. I know at the moment none of them really want to go out so I can’t offer to take them for coffee. I just want to know what I’m suppose to be replying when I’m having a full on conversation with one of them and she’ll tell me she’s extremely upset and it’s all rough and I just have to send heart emojis and say I’m so sorry and I’m here for her because I’m not quite sure what to say.
Basically in a nutshell,
1) Am I being to intrusive asking every night how each of them is doing and making sure they’re okay?
2) How do I reply when I’m texting them and they’re telling me they’re so upset and it’s really tough?
CONSIDER THIS:
- It takes a big hearted person to care so much about their friends the way you do. Reaching out for additional advice shows how strong your care is.
- Dealing with loss is very hard and different for each person, you are doing great reaching out to your friends. Sometimes they might just want someone to hang out with. It can be helpful to offer to come over and watch a movie or something to have someone there for them to spend time with.
- You are saying the right things, there is not one correct way to respond to loss and sadness. You show that you are there for them and that is what is important. The loss of a loved one takes time to heal and even years from now they may get upset from time to time. Being there for them is important.
HELP YOURSELF:
- How might reaching out every other day work out? See if the responses change, it might be hard for your friends to talk about this every day. This is a emotional time.
- How could looking at the sections of Teencentral.come like the ‘Learn’ tab on Teen Central for the ‘Grief and Loss’ section help you? This might provide some insight for you during this difficult time for your close friends (https://teencentral.com/grief-and-loss/)
- How can identifying your own emotions that are okay to feel during this time help them? And just remember you are a great friend to care about your friends so deeply. Loss is hard to comprehend and not always black and white.
