Hi, I’m seventeen and I have done nothing with my life for the past two years. I lost all my friends due to my sexuality so now I’m down to just my best friend of seven years. She’s the best, and I truly appreciate everything she does for me. But she can’t be there all the time, nor do I expect her to be. I’ve been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for about four years now, and I’m only getting lonelier. I would like to make new friends, or even have a partner. But, with my anxiety, I’m really not sure how to approach that. The only thing I know is that the lonelier I get, the heavier the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m getting bad again. I know this because I’m not talking to anyone anymore, and I have thoughts of just leaving. I don’t want to put this depression burden on my family or my best friend, so I find myself lying about how I am. I’m too scared to admit how I feel, because then people look at me differently. The thing is that even if I feel like I’m screaming and reaching out to them, even by the little things I do, they don’t seem to notice at all. I’m thinking about suicide again. And, for some reason, today that’s the only thing on my mind. How my family and friends would be better off without me. I can’t stop having these racing thoughts. I can’t sleep. I even tried my sleeping pills, which usually work. But when I took them it didn’t make any difference. I’m angry with myself because I have nothing, and nobody. I’m letting my grades slip again. I care so much about them, but yet, I don’t care at all. Sometimes my heart hurts, and sometimes I feel numb. I have a therapist, but I can’t bring myself to open up to her. I haven’t talked to her about how I’m actually truly feeling in a year. And it’s not her fault, she’s a great therapist. I just can’t tell her. I can’t tell my family and I can’t tell my best friend. What’s wrong with me? I know that this world would be a better place without me in it, and I’m really trying to fight that fact. But I feel so weak and so tired. I just give up. Thank you for taking the time to read my useless rant. I’m sorry it went on for so long.
CONSIDER THIS:
- Feeling alone without anyone who truly understands you can make you feel like you don’t matter. You are strong for admitting your genuine feelings and for reaching out for help when you need it most.
- Be positive. No matter how negative you are, the world is a better place with you in it. We are whatever we tell ourselves. With this in mind, instead of putting yourself down, repeat positive affirmations to yourself. Tell yourself things like you deserve a life that you love with people in it who love you.
- You deserve to have a partner to love. Be patient because all bad situations pass if you believe they will. There is someone for everyone. You may go to the Learn tab and click LGBTQ or other topics relevant to you on the Teen Central website. Under the Tools tab there is a Positive Reminder resource to download.
- Remember that suicide is a very serious issue and you are never alone. You may go the Help tab and call The National Suicide Hotline or the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender National Help Center. Some people actually enjoy helping people and listening to their problems.
- Find friends who think like you and enjoy doing the same things as you. Volunteering may help you find new friends who have the same interests as you plus you may feel more like you belong. Some organizations for the LGBTQ community include The Trevor Project, Loveisrespect.org and Queery.org.
- Losing sleep is linked with poor health and depression among other things. Learning meditation may help you relax more so you can sleep deeper. Becoming more spiritual may also help with this. You may go to the Lear n tab and click on Spirituality to learn more. Expressing your feelings instead of holding them in may help you get more rest. You may try expressing your feelings through artistic activities such as drawing, painting or playing a musical instrument. Also, eating healthier foods and getting enough exercise makes it easier to sleep.
- You may try getting a pet which will love you unconditionally.
- Be yourself. It doesn’t matter what others think of you. Their negativity prevents them from caring the way they should.
HELP YOURSELF:
- Considering your strengths, what are some ways you can help in making the world a better place?
- How would being positive change your outlook on life?
- Realistically, what are some ways you can make some of your hopes and dreams happen?
