Hi Teencentral! I’m very glad to receive your response about attraction once again. I apologize for taking up your valuable time and energy that could be spent helping others. I noticed that your first suggestion was to build a support network, which really resonated with me. I’ve always been an introverted, quiet person who enjoys staying at home reading. However, I used to have a few close friends, so I didn’t think much about improving my social skills or making more friends.
As I learned more about mental health in recent years, I realized that everyone needs to establish their own support network to maintain their mental and physical well-being. But I have no idea how to do this, especially since I’ve had almost no social activities since developing a mental illness. Everything seems easy, but I still can’t take that first step. I desperately want to change my current situation, but I feel lost. I’ve heard that developing hobbies can help you meet new friends, but as someone who experiences emotional instability and doesn’t have a stable job, I still feel very insecure when facing strangers. Do you have any suggestions? Since I live in a developing country, many resources aren’t very comprehensive. If I want to work on my social skills, are there any books or materials I can self-study?
Regarding the topic of sexual orientation, I don’t live in the U.S. but in a very traditional and conservative East Asian region (which is also why I come here for advice when I’m confused). My family and relatives are quite conservative, so even though my mom and I talk about everything, I’ve never brought up my sexual orientation to my parents, let alone come out. It seems challenging to build a support network in this regard.
I understand the “cliché” advice you mentioned. Many years ago, before I realized my sexual orientation, I was a girl who wouldn’t even bother with makeup or skincare. I believe that a person’s inner qualities are more important than superficial appearance, and I don’t judge people based on looks. However, in today’s social media age, I can’t help but be influenced by it. For instance, I often see glamorous, young, fashionable gay and lesbian influencers on platforms like TikTok, which gives me the impression that the more LGBT someone is, the more they care about appearance. I feel rough and unrefined in comparison, and it seems that if I were to become more attractive and could appeal to both men and women, it would boost my confidence. I really don’t know what it means to “love myself,” and I have so much to learn. I still hope for your advice. Thank you!
WELCOME BACK
- Don’t ever think you’re taking up too much of our time. You are just as important as anyone else. It’s important that you know that you’re valuable enough to spend time seeking out answers to your questions and educating yourself about the things that you want to know.
- You’re not alone in being someone who has come to TeenCentral from outside of the US. We’re happy to know that our website has been helpful to you in the past and even today. It is a struggle in some developing countries that don’t have the infrastructure and support systems in the community for people who struggle with mental health.
READING / WORKBOOKS
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- At TeenCentral we have found a lot of success for people of all ages with Instant Help Books which come in a variety of topics. These books include education and also are organized in a workbook style with exercises so you can practice. Based on what you wrote above, you might consider one of these books on the topic of social success which you can find at THIS LINK.
- The instant help books are available for virtually any mental health topic. So, you can select the mental illness you are facing right now and possibly find a book on that topic as well, in order to learn more about it and ways to handle some of the symptoms you are experiencing.
- There is another book that is set up in a similar way, but it is specifically for learning Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. Again, this is a workbook that teaches you the skill and then gives you exercises to learn and practice that skill. You can find that book HERE. DBT is generally recognized as a very helpful set of skills for people suffering from mood disorders like depression, and different types of anxiety disorders. It’s helpful for all kinds of mental health issues.
INSIDE OUT
- We do understand the desire of being attractive to other people. This is natural for everyone for the most part. We all want others to look at us and find us appealing. There’s nothing wrong with your intentions here, but keep in mind that what you’re seeing online is most likely not real. People use all kinds of apps and computer programs, professional photography, not to mention Photoshop, in order to make themselves look a certain way in a post. Even online video can be deceiving. So, when you see these “Influencers” online make sure that you are keeping things in perspective in your mind. They’re paying lots of money to other people to make themselves look good including makeup artists, hairstylists, clothing stylists and more. By the time they get to the point that they have as many followers as they need in order to be called an “influencer”, they’re making enough money to have a whole team of people to make them look good. All the while online they look like they just threw themselves together in five minutes. Don’t believe everything you see.
- There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change your external appearance. All of us make changes to ourselves over our lifetime. We gain weight; we lose weight. We go to the gym and ask a trainer for help. We go to a salon or even a high-end makeup store and ask somebody to teach us how to put on makeup the right way. We get a short haircut and then we grow it out again. We get highlights and then we dye it strange colors. All of this is totally up to you because it’s your body — just as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons.
- We would recommend that you start your changes from the inside and work your way to the outside. That means take a look at your nutrition and your hydration intake. Work on your mental health and your confidence as we’ve said in other posts, first. Once you’re working on inside of yourself, then it’s healthy to work on the outside. Doing things in this order avoids potential problems later on. Just take that into consideration.
